12/23/2014 • 1:16 AM 3

Sanity: Another reason to write more books

Do you ever feel like you’re reaching for success and someone is slapping your hand? Does every Monday feel like Thwart Day?

I just had one of those days that drains energy. I read a review from a guy who apparently thinks I believe in the supernatural because I often write about it. (Fiction, people! Fiction!) A cop stopped me today. He was unnecessarily dickish. That put me in a dark mood. I haven’t been feeling great so I had to go for some medical tests. A nurse was in a panic over my paperwork and apparently trying to panic me, too. I’ve got a big birthday coming up which I’m not excited about. I feel pressure. Sometimes, despite my big plans, it seems time is running out and the news for indie authors seems to be all whoa and woe at the moment.

**Therefore, it’s not time to give up.**

It’s time to put the hammer down (because I was thinking of doing terrible things with that hammer) and remember what’s working. To review:

I got this letter today:

“This Plague of Days, Omnibus Edition was awarded an Honorable Mention for Writer’s Digest’s Self-Published e-Book Awards in Genre.”

Whoo. Also? Hoo!

Check out the Top 100 Kindle Short from my coauthor Holly Pop

I’m collaborating with several authors and a publisher in 2015. The first was Holly (Pop) Papandreas, author of Ouija.

We wrote The Haunting Lessons. In this fun and dark fantasy, a girl from Iowa discovers she has amazing capabilities. The world is a richer and more dangerous place than she ever imagined. Parts of it may remind you of This Plague of Days, but the tone is lighter and the pace is lightning quick. Don’t miss out on 81 lessons to survive Armageddon. I like you and I want you to live.

Just released for Christmas reading!

My friend and author of Butterfly Stitching, Sher Kruse, has invited me to participate in a non-fiction anthology.

More on that in 2015.

I’ll be contributing to a horror anthology for a publisher and working with another author friend of mine on a secret book project to take paranormal readers by storm. I also have big plans for several books in the Ghosts and Demons Series, a big standalone book and more Hit Man books.

It’s been a big building year for me. I put together six books in 2014, so Mom and Dad will have to take back those accusations that I’m too lazy to live.

It’s so fun and gritty and fast, I’m very happy with Hollywood Jesus, the third adventure in the Hit Man Series. The John Leguizamo joke alone makes it for me!

“Perhaps the most underrated crime novel of all time.” ~ Robert Chazz Chute

And, maybe best of all, I wrote my criminal autobiography!

That’s one adorable bear holding that bloody knife.

And I’m part of the Horror Within Box Set with some very heavy hitters in horror fiction.

In other words, it’s been a productive year. It seems I have a lot to live for, after all. I can’t wait to get more of my ebooks into print, too. So stay busy. It will keep you out of trouble. Works for me. When you’re feeling down, write another book. That’s what I do. I’m all nerves a lot of the time, obviously. Writing soothes me and keep me from acting on impulses to hammer things.

Writing works that way for many people. Writing or reading, I hope you find escape, as I do, in imagination.
Merry Christmas.

If you had mixed feelings about 2014, let’s make 2015 better, hm?

Filed under: author platform, Horror, publishing, Writers, writing tips, based on a true story, bizarre themes, books, box set, box sets, Butterfly Stitching, Christmas, Christmas gifts, crime novels, dark fantasy, ebooks, holly pop, hollywood jesus, horror, Horror Within, intense viiolence, John Leguizamo, leguizamo joke, merry Christmas, Novella, Ouija, Robert Chazz Chute, Shermin Kruse, the writing life, This Plague of Days, writers, writing

12/09/2013 • 10:12 PM 10

Brainstorming better book titles (and what can kill a good one)

1. The tone of the title should match the genre. If your thriller’s title makes potential readers think of young adult romance, keep brainstorming.

2. Non-fiction titles tend to be linear promises to provide solutions to a problem you have identified. Deliver.

My luckless hit man is a funny guy in big trouble.

3. Intriguing is good. Confusing is not. That’s a fine balance. I loved the titles Bigger Than Jesus and Higher Than Jesus. However, it’s pronounced “Hay-soose” and it’s about a funny, hardboiled Cuban hit man. Titles you (and I) have to explain (endlessly!) are not good titles. The cover treatment by Kit Foster of Kit Foster Design saves me from readers who buy my crime novels thinking they are religious books. Also, I do have another solution to this problem. I’ll explore that next year, after a couple more books are written. In the meantime, I remain an idiot for thinking those titles would serve me better than they did.

What? You thought I write these blog posts because I get everything right the first time? Ha! No.

4. When you’re brainstorming, think in terms of keywords. A short, killer, catchy title can be helped a lot by a more explanatory subtitle. Don’t go overboard with keywords, though. If you run out of breath, forget the rest halfway through, or can’t cram the whole title on the cover, rethink. We’ve got to be able to read the title without squinting, so don’t cram it.

5. Generally try to avoid titles that are very long. After catching the title in a wisp of conversation, the potential customer has to remember it all the way back to their computer or the bookstore so they can order it.

6. What’s the central theme, promise or event that’s crucial to your story? Brainstorm titles out of that.

7. Think in terms of brand and series. Can you connect titles in some way? A is for Alibi is already taken, but think about what might fit. I have two new series planned for the end of next year that connect tangentially to existing books.

8. Come up with a bunch of titles and throw out a bunch. Don’t get too attached to a title early on. Some authors feel they need a title before they can begin to write. Your story may change, so just keep that WIP title tentative and to yourself for now.

9. You can take titles from phrases from the Bible or Shakespeare or be completely original. Go for memorable. However, don’t let the absence of a title stop you from beginning to write. It will probably emerge from the manuscript organically. Use a focus group of trusted friends or fellow writers to save you from your worst impulses.

10. Build a brand around your author name, not your title. I don’t want people more excited about my title than they are about me writing another book. That’s why the name “Robert Chazz Chute” is so big on the cover. Make them want to buy the next [insert your name here], not the title. I don’t really like the title, Doctor Sleep, for instance. But it’s Stephen King! Of course I want to read it!

I’m convinced that titles really don’t matter quite as much as we’d like to think.

I can name a lot of titles that shatter these ten well-meant suggestions. It’s like naming a band. Lots of band names sound pretty stupid or obtuse at first, but if the music is any good, people don’t even think about it much. I doubt everyone was enthused about the name The Beatles or Led Zeppelin on their first encounter (before hearing the songs.) I didn’t like the title Fight Club. The book is about so much more than that. However, I got over it quickly.

It’s true for TV shows, too. The first time I heard the name MASH as a little kid, I thought the TV series had something to do with potatoes. The Pink Panther? I didn’t know it was animated, so I pictured an actual pink panther skulking through the jungle. Without seeing it (and hearing its musical theme by Henry Mancini) I had no idea it was destined to become so iconic.

To sell more books, what’s ultimately more important than the title? Your graphic artist.

A good graphic artist can build on an awesome hook. A bad cover can sabotage even your most clever title.

A great title doesn’t matter if no one can see it. Don’t undermine that title you’ve put so much thought into. You need an excellent graphic artist to support your efforts. A great cover maximizes the power of your title and your author name. That’s why I use…wait for the shameless, enthusiastic plug for my Scottish buddy…

Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign.com

Check out his portfolio for powerful images

that pump up all the authors he serves.

By the way, Crack the Indie Author Code 2nd Edition is out in paperback at $9.99. Smaller format, with jokes.

~ I’m Robert Chazz Chute. With my serial, This Plague of Days, I’ve written two bestsellers. However, my catalogue of my inspirational errors in the early going will tell you more about the challenges of being an indie author. Get Crack the Indie Author Code. I don’t scold you and it’s actually pretty funny. The 6 x 9 print version is about ten bucks and Christmas is coming, so get on that or Christmas is cancelled and Santa’s elves will turn into goblins. It’s up to you to save Christmas from rampaging goblins. It’s up to you and you alone. No pressure.

Filed under: author platform, Publicity & Promotion, publishing, authors, book covers, book titles, books, brainstorming, Christmas, Doctor Sleep, good book titles, how to make a good book title, Kit Foster, Kit Foster Design, kitfosterdesign.com, Literature, publicity, publishing, Robert Chazz Chute, Shopping, Stephen King, writers, writing

10/28/2013 • 5:47 PM 0

This Plague of Days: Season One arrives in paperback! (Plus stuff for you)

Special thanks to Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign.com for his kick-ass cover skills!

If you’re looking to get a cover, I always recommend Kit! Plus, he’s Scottish!

Have a look at the beauty below (i.e. buy it) and be sure to check out his portfolio.

This Plague of Days, Season One teaches Latin proverbs and brings you into the mind of a very unlikely hero on the autistic spectrum. Zombies attack and royal Corgis are in big trouble. Maybe the Queen, too. (That’s my motto: Give the people what they want.)

This book makes a great Halloween gift, Christmas present or something to scare the bejeebers out of friends, family and enemies. If you’ve been waiting for the paperback, here you go. Working on getting Season Two out in print next.

Serialization pros and cons

Not into my books but want more about publishing in savvy ways?

Season 2 is the quest. Expect big trouble in Ireland and Iceland because I think countries beginning with I are narcissistic and need to be taken down a peg or two by bloodthirsty zombies.

Okay, if you came for the pithy stuff about the downside of serialization and why I collapsed to the haters and won’t serialize Season Three of This Plague of Days, you’ll want to check out this post:

Why I won’t do this again

The contest that challenges you to find a secret hidden in plain sight

Yes, there’s also an intriguing contest going on and your immortality is at stake.

Find the secret, win a life everlasting in book and audio form.

I love a mystery wrapped in an enigma concealed in a burrito, don’t you?

~ Robert Chazz Chute is…writing in the third person again. Get your NaNoWriMo inspiration and hope for the publishing future by reading Crack the Indie Author Code in paperback and ebook. Just kidding about the Ireland being narcissistic thing. You know I love the land of my ancestors. But Iceland? Well, you’re on notice for realsies, Icepops!

This Plague Of Days, Episode 4, Season Two is out! (and why I won’t do this again) (thisplagueofdays.com)
This Plague of Days: Explaining Serialization to Readers (thisplagueofdays.com)
Season 2 of This Plague of Days: Behind the scenes in the final polish and hitting #9 (thisplagueofdays.com)
#Podcast The Harder They Fall Edition (allthatchazz.com)
Q & A for This Plague of Days (PART 4) (thisplagueofdays.com)
This Plague of Days Q & A (Part 2) (thisplagueofdays.com)

Filed under: Amazon, Publicity & Promotion, publishing, self-publishing, This Plague of Days, Amazon, apocalyptic, Autism spectrum, book, book contest, Christmas, Contest, dystopian, Gift, horror, horror serial, Ireland, Kit Foster, kitfosterdesign.com, Latin, paperback, Plague of Days, post-apocalyptic, prizes, reading, reviews, Robert Chazz Chute, Season One, Serialization, Shopping, supernatural, This Plague, This Plague of Days, vampires, Zombie

12/26/2012 • 12:47 PM 5

How writers become publishers: Tools for the quest for love in 2013

In the days following Christmas, with your eyes on the prize of snagging all those new readers with new e-readers, you have hope. You’re out there marketing and trying to grab a piece of that book market pie. Hope must be tempered with thought and experience, so consider these valuable resources:

More tips and tricks to steer your authorship.

1. The Self-publishing Podcast

I finally found a podcast that talks about writing and publishing the same way I talk about it: It’s often genuinely fun. I listen to a lot of writing podcasts that are all about the scolding. Self-publishers aren’t naughty children, so that’s tiring. The Self-publishing Podcast isn’t like that.

2. Litopia

It’s a podcast that speaks with authority about publishing. They used to take themselves a tad too seriously. It’s improved and they tackle interesting publishing issues. Have a listen.

3. APE

You’re an APE (Author, Publisher, Entrepreneur). Marketing guru Guy Kawasaki breaks it down in his new book.

4. You. Yes, you!

In a few days you’re going to make some half-assed New Year’s resolutions. We all will, but it doesn’t have to be a too-familiar exercise in failure that mimics last year’s New Year’s resolutions. Dreams of success can inspire you and fuel your art and business. Fantasies can distract or destroy. What can’t you control and what do you need help with?

If 2013 is really going to be your year, take this time to think about what’s real. Resolutions that work are plans that include lists and measurement and many course corrections. Many writers could realize their potential if they harnessed all that New Year’s resolution energy and converted it into daily resolve. (Ooh, does that sound too grim? It shouldn’t. Most of what we do as writers and publishers is fun.)

You’ve got a lot to consider seriously in the battle for 2013 and readers’ hearts and minds. How about you hold off on making those big resolutions just yet? You’re still lethargic from all that Christmas turkey. Instead, take today to ruminate and marinate. You know yourself best. It’s introspection time.

5. Crack the Indie Author Code and Write Your Book: Aspire to Inspire

As long as we’re talking about reading great books about writing and publishing that are fun, helpful and encouraging, how about these? Yes, I wrote them and I’m biased, but they’re no less double-plus awesome.

Grab Crack the Indie Author Code and fuel your inspiration.

Filed under: publishing, blogging, book marketing, book promotion, Christmas, Crack the Indie Author Code, Guy Kawasaki, New Year, new year resolutions, publishing, self-publishing, Write Your Book: Aspire to Inspire, writing

12/24/2012 • 1:34 PM 1

How to have a Christmas of Consequence

Tomorrow is Christmas and in Retail World, things get crazy. As we run around, taking care of last-minute errands in a mad rush, please remember to be patient and

Lily’s Christmas message from Bigger Than Jesus

kind. Last year, on the day before Christmas, I saw a woman screaming at an old man who had parked at the entrance to a drugstore. She shrieked hysterically at the old man as his wife, a fragile old woman with a cane, limped weakly toward the car with her medicine.

The angry woman saw her, but she was already committed to her rage. She did not ease up on the throttle and apologize. She continued shrieking at the old man for parking where he shouldn’t. There was no compassion.

We attach significance to special days and ask that everyone abide by a higher standard of conduct. But it shouldn’t matter what day it is! Every day is an opportunity to be kind. If Christmas is your thing, if Sunday is a special day to you, if Easter is your big deal, if you think you’re a good person who cares about others (or aspire to be) carry that kind spirit with you through all your days. Do that and all your days will be better. You’ll spread love and joy and get it back many times over. people will be drawn to your warmth and light.

And to that shrieking, angry young woman, I’m really sorry about following you home and keying the f$#! out of your new car’s paint job on Christmas Eve. Smashing the window and stuffing the raccoon roadkill under the seat was a tad over the top, too.

Have a safe and happy Christmas, everyone. And be good. Someone knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for Goodness sake. We are everywhere and we are watching.

All about the love…and vengeance.

~ Hey! Just kidding, y’all! I’m a crime novelist who writes books about righteous vengeance. What did you expect? Teddy bears and kittens? Hear the Christmas Apocalypse podcast at AllThatChazz.com. Get all the books by Robert Chazz Chute by using the magic, making a wish and clicking here. With one click, suspense and hilarity are delivered to you (or as a gift) in time for Christmas so you can avoid any parking woes and holiday shopping drama.) Here’s a funny video from College Humor for more on making sure you catch and keep the holiday spirit.

Podcast: The Christmas Apocalypse Edition (allthatchazz.com)

Filed under: publishing, Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas spirit, compassion, fiction, Holidays, kindness

12/24/2011 • 12:46 AM 3

Self-help for Stoners is now available on Stitcher (plus the Christmas message of hope and gooeyness)

What a week! Self-help for Stoners is now available in paperback. I have a new short story up at Smashwords and tonight I just got an email from Stitcher that my podcast, the companion to the book Self-help for Stoners, is available on their app. Here’s part of the email they just sent me:

Self-help for Stoners is now available on Stitcher! Thank you
so much for joining the Stitcher lineup. We are thrilled to offer the
show on the app! We are really excited that you have joined the platform. Your show
will now be available with one click on mobile phones and iPads all
over the world, SONOS systems, in-car dashboards and more to come!
I hope your audience will enjoy the flexibility and ease of the Stitcher app.
I know many of our Stitcher listeners will enjoy your show as a new
listening option.

Yes, I know it’s a form letter. That knowledge doesn’t detract a bit. I’m thrilled. (The Self-help for Stoners podcast is also available, as usual, at iTunes or straight from my website —which, as of today, is officially all mine— at allthatchazz.com.)

I plan for a busy “holiday” in that there won’t really be one. I have a lot of writing and revising to do to make the novels available faster and who takes a vacation from playing, anyway? I usually feel harried, but I think I’m learning to embrace the chaos. I’m having so much fun that I don’t want to take a break from writing at all. I’ve also learned to take advantage of my manic phases of activity when they strike. Given my Getting-Stuff-Done Mode lately, I imagine it’s like being on Adderall minus that pesky expense. This Christmas, my present to myself is the gift of repairing broken promises I made when I was eight years old. I wanted to publish books. I’m doing it now and staying in the driver’s seat. This wasn’t possible just three or four years ago. Now, for better and worse, I’m in control.

And I’m so grateful. I’m working full-time, working longer hours than I ever have. It feels like I’m in university again and it’s always crunch time. I knew working full-time as a writer and publisher would take up a lot of my time. I didn’t expect it would be this much fun. When my family asked me what I wanted for Christmas this year, I told them, “Nothing. I don’t deserve anything.” Oddly, I don’t mean that I’m in Hate-Myself Mode. I mean, every day is already a gift. Cliche. And true.

Whether you buy my books or not, I hope you find value in this blog because it’s a labor of love that gives back to me in so many ways. I learn so much by the research I do for the blog. If not for the blog, I never would have met author Jeff Bennington, for instance. He ended up formatting my paperback and he always has advice that makes me think. If not for this blog, I would have missed out on the talent of Kit Foster, my amazing graphic designer, who, so far, has made three book covers for me. I made friends with Dave Jackson at The School of Podcasting. He helped with starting the podcast and also with the author website. There are so many talented authors I’ve met through Chazz Writes who have been so helpful, like Lorina Stephens, Rebecca Senese, Roz Morris, Reena Jacobs, Lisa Stull, Eden Baylee and many more.

Take a trip through the archives here and you’ll find many articles on the craft of writing and editing, but also author profiles of intrepid fellow writers who are putting themselves out there. We wave banners and take risks. We reject the rejectionists. We say no to the naysayers. We aren’t looking for followers. We are recruiting revolutionaries to our cause and that cause is free expression. We are all so lucky to live at a time when dissemination of our words, broadcasting our thoughts and publishing our books has never been easier or less censored. The rising voices are a din, yes, but I don’t hear desperation in the new wave of information and entertainment. I hear joy and bravery. I hear greater independence and more choice. You can buy books cheaply and quickly. We can debate how healthy this is for writers. We can worry about the state of traditional publishing and bookstores. Though some people whine about to many books, that’s crazy. More choice means more freedom. Whatever happens next, one group has already won: readers.

There are too many people to name here who have helped me to begin this journey. If you have helped me by example, with advice, with encouragement, with proofing, with editing, with design or financially by buying into my fiction, please know that I appreciate it so very much. If we already know each other, I’ve already thanked you for your part in helping me move forward and I’ll no doubt thank you again! One more concrete way I thank people is by promoting your books and hosting guest posts and retweeting your posts and aggregating the best information I can find for you here and on my Scoopit! page. I’ll continue to do so. I promise.

After putting off this life for a long time, my present has finally arrived. This has got to be the gooiest post I’ve written. If you don’t have a sweet tooth, I’m sorry for all this sugar and syrup (but it springs from a happy place.)

This will be my last blog post until 2012. (Okay, I’ll be checking in, continuing Scoopit! and I might pop in with more good news if I get some.) However, my plan is to disappear into some pages and go on a writing binge and get some more stuff done. The guy who gets stuff done is the new me.

This Christmas, I wish you the gift of happiness.

If you don’t have it yet, know that you can make it so.

If I can, you can.

How to sell cross-genre books in The Land of The Easy No (chazzwrites.wordpress.com)
Stuff to Listen to When You’re High (allthatchazz.com)
My new short story: Asia Unbound (chazzwrites.wordpress.com)
Podcast #3: How to Beat a Murder Charge with a Skunk and a Smile (allthatchazz.com)
Episode 6: Xmas Erotica & a Goiter (allthatchazz.com)

Filed under: All That Chazz, getting it done, podcasts, publishing, What about Chazz?, What about you?, book, Christmas, indie, indie authors, indie spirit, IPad, iTunes, Podcast, publishing, short story, Stitcher, Stoners

12/21/2011 • 11:40 PM 3

A Day in the Life of a Writer

4 AM: The iPod is still in my ear when I wake from a dream in which She Who Must Be Obeyed tells me I have a “liganda” tumor in my nose.

4 AM plus 20 seconds: Look up “liganda” on the iPod. It’s ancient currency in the form of an iron spear.

4 to 6 AM: Listen to hypnosis recording, listen to Michell Plested’s wonderful Irreverent Muse podcast (great interview with Mike Stackpole on the business of e-publishing). Listen to StoryWonk Daily (a podcast that is new to me but good.) The hosts talk about the humorous potential of Bartleby The Scrivener. When I studied it, it was in an existential angst/philosophy context and I totally missed the laughs. Great discussion on The Princess Bride, though. Shower.

6 AM – 7:30 PM: Edit a typo in the file to be printed at CreateSpace that’s been bugging me. Release print copy of Self-help for Stoners to the world in print on Amazon. Hahahahahahahahahahaha! The people who prefer print can finally order it in paper.

7:30 PM to 8:45 PM: Make lunch sandwiches and evict children to local indoctrination centre. Make coffee and prepare myself for the day’s onslaught.

8:45 to noon: Inspired by Mike Stackpole interview, I think about what I’ve got in the story stockpile. I dig up Asia Unbound from Dropbox. That’s a good short story I wrote ages ago that’s doing nothing for me where it sits. Resolve to format it and put it up on Smashwords. I revise the short story, format it, find a great shot to use from Morguefiles, run it through a free graphics program (Picnik) so I have a cover in record time (only one sad aborted attempt.) Get an ISBN from Canadian agency online (they’re free and easy in Canada) and insert metadata. Upload. For a change, I price it at $1.99 as an experiment even though The Dangerous Kind is only 99 cents and is much longer. I tell myself it’s a better cover and it’s all still just couch change. I got that done so quickly and without problems that I allow myself a feeling of triumph. The morning went so incredibly well.

Noon to 1 PM: Lunch and watch an old episode of Newsradio on The Comedy Network. I love Newsradio. I mourn Phil Hartman every time. Always and forever.

1 to 2 PM: Let the world know Asia Unbound is available on Smashwords: Facebook, two blogs, three Twitter accounts, Google+. Find several articles of use for research and stimulation. Use Scoopit! to post them to the blog. Check three of the four email accounts. Find some nice reader mail. Ask for some reviews of new and old books. Delete all other email.

2 to 3:30: Rush off to the other side of the city to perform last ditch Christmas offensive while listening to The Joe Rogan Experience podcast to get myself through the mall crowds without using a machete.

3:30 PM: Back just in time for spawn’s return from local indoctrination centre. Debrief/start laundry for this evening’s Christmas concert.

4 PM to 5 PM: Email check. No love. Search Dropbox for more old short stories that are brilliant. I reject three but find four that will be suitable for more Smashwords books. Around 4:45 I begin this blog post.

5 PM: #1 Son announces that he has changed his mind and he doesn’t want a globe for Christmas, which is surprising because he is a cartographical prodigy. I abandon writing this blog post. The boy now wants a saxophone for Christmas. He has a letter for Santa. I inform him that Santa’s surely already packed his order for the globe and the letter will not arrive in time for Christmas. #1 Son announces that Santa is magic and that if he doesn’t deliver, he’s not real and this will be the worst Christmas ever. The boy begins to sob as I realize that the Christmas concert is only one hour away and I’m not wearing pants. The laundry must be switched to the dryer if we’re to get to the Christmas concert in time. I comfort #1 Son as I rush to the dryer. His angst turns to anger. My guttural comforting sounds turn to gritted teeth and a harried quest to boil frozen hot dogs. (Hint: Nuke ’em first and let the water do only a quarter of the work.) Scream for #1 Daughter to get ready for Christmas concert. Pray for happy asteroid strike.

5 to 5:55 PM: Diatribe escalates. Tears are shed, most of them his. I tell him Santa is made of generosity and that the joy of giving is the essence of Christmas and so Santa can never die. A circular debate on the nature of magic ensues. Boy gets sent to his room. Daughter goes to concert. Boy is scarred for life, though he soon apologizes for being miserable. We hug it out. He’s both sure there’s no Santa and still wants to send his letter to Santa. (Syllogism? Never mind. This is not the time to discuss that.) Pretty sure my mother would have beaten him with a wooden spoon by now. I would never have gotten away with this and I would have been hauled off to the concert by my ear. I understand the impulse but instead hug him harder. Consider choking him out so he has a nap and I leave no bruises. I eat a hot dog in anger and sadness. He still breaks into sobs at his realization that we are filthy liars and the world is not as he has been told. The sweet innocence was what we wanted and it was great. Now? We pay in emotional cataclysm. And he’s not going to the concert. She Who Must Be Obeyed takes #1 Daughter to said concert since I saw the same concert last night.

6 PM: I’m wearing pants that are hot from the dryer. The effect is like morphine and I realize I’ve been up since 4 AM. Sweet oblivion wraps its loving arms around me and I pass out. Just before I lose consciousness, I am so grateful. Boy is anaesthetized by a cartoony video game that trains him for warfare. Good. He’ll need it.

7:30 PM: Awake in time for a Big Bang Theory and note that I’m not getting to the gym today. Again.

8 PM: She Who Must Be Obeyed and #1 Daughter return from Christmas concert. Boy has returned to his human form and is apologetic and resigned to a world without magic or charm. Dying inside, I retreat to the basement to finish this blog post. And hide.

The plan for the rest of the evening:

The children shall be read to and then thrown into bed at high velocity around 10 PM.

Back up plan:

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

I’m not up to writing another chapter of my new novel, anyway, so that’s a write-off. It must be the top priority in the morning. Tonight shall be for editing the Self-help for Stoners podcast. It won’t take long. The program is improving and I’ve found ways to make the production process go much faster. It will be done tonight and posted Thursday night. It’s Christmas…so will anyone be around to listen to it? I shrug and push forward with the grim determination of that dumb workhorse that ends up as glue at the end of Animal Farm.

Also to-do: Must research Podiobooks. Also, the tech consultant for one of my web pages calls tomorrow so I must make sure I have all my passwords and questions ready. Call Dad. (UPDATE: Forgot to call Dad. Too late to call him since it’s now 10 PM in Nova Scotia. Damn.) Address Christmas calendar envelopes. Figure out an actual schedule for tomorrow so it’s less random and I get some revising and writing done.

Input into iCal and USE IT!

The rest of the evening, the recreational part: Devote self to a book on the craft of writing mysteries which I’ve been trying to get to for days.

UPDATE at 8:38 PM: Boy sneaks past the machine-gun nests and barbed wire and arrives in bunker office to report that his #1 Sister is calling him a Pample Moose. “What’s a Pample Moose?” I correct his pronunciation and inform him that the translation from French means “Grapefruit.” #1 Son collapses in hysterics and I remember why I neither strangled nor chased him around the house (outside and around the house) with a wooden spoon. Still giggling, #1 Son races up the stairs yelling, “You called me a grapefruit, you hoser!”

Projected bedtime: 1 AM.

(Who are you kidding? You slept one and a half hours. You’ll be up till 2 AM at least.)

Tonight’s post-hypnotic suggestion just before I pass out:

What happens next in my book? Is it time for Legs Gabrielle to meet the deputy who suspects her of murder, or is that rushing it?

C’mon unconscious genius! Roll me a seven!

Tomorrow’s wake up call:

Either the clock radio at 8 Am, or much earlier if I have another dream about fictional nose tumours.

My new short story: Asia Unbound (chazzwrites.wordpress.com)

Filed under: publishing, What about Chazz?, What about you?, Writers, writing tips, a day in the life, Asia Unbound, Bartleby The Scrivener, Christmas, Comedy Network, iPod, Phil Hartman, publishing, Santa, Santa Claus, schedule, short story, Smashwords

12/30/2010 • 8:08 AM 1

E-readers: I told you so (an indulgent post of self-congratulation)

Image via Wikipedia

UPDATE about the Big Picture

The trend is up. The sales of e-books outpaced the expectations of many industry experts through the fall. I have trumpeted the arrival of the e-book future here to the point of pedantry. And yes, I received an e-reader for Christmas. I’m pleased and impressed with my Sony reader. I predicted that e-readers would sweep consumers off their feet on their gift-buying sprees. I’m sure I can now predict the numbers bear me out.

Today I went out in search of a protector for my e-reader. I visited several stores. They were all sold out.

Oh, sure, now it looks obvious. It didn’t look so obvious when I was telling everyone about it last summer.

“Ha!” I say, and “Ha!” again.

Kindle is Amazon’s all-time best-selling product; Kobo and Nooks sell out during holidays (techvibes.com)
Are E-Readers Greener Than Books? (doyourpart.com)
40 million readers are looking for help, are you letting them know you are there? (nancydowd.wordpress.com)
eReaders bought in 2010 might create an ebook explosion (ireaderreview.com)
Santa Brought an eBook Reader! (librarianbrain.wordpress.com)
E-reader can tap library shelves (dispatch.com)
Library shelves open to e-readers (dispatch.com)
5 E-Book Trends That Will Change the Future of Publishing (mashable.com)
How to Upload Your Digital Book to Kindle, by Nancy May (artistmarketingsalon.wordpress.com)

Filed under: Books, ebooks, publishing, Rant, Amazon Kindle, Barnes & Noble Nook, book, Christmas, E-book, Nook, Sony, Sony Reader

12/25/2010 • 9:13 AM 6

Merry Christmas from Chazz!

Wherever you are, I hope Santa brought you the perfect gift

that you didn’t think you needed

and would never have bought

for yourself but it turned out to be amazing!

Yes, I’m saying I hope you got an e-reader for Christmas.

Have a happy and a merry!

And thanks for reading.

See you Monday.

Filed under: ebooks, Christmas, e-readers, ebooks, IPad, Kindle, Kobo, Nook, Sony Reader

11/25/2010 • 7:56 PM 0

What books are you buying this Christmas?

The New York Times has some suggestions:

100 Notable Books of 2010 – Holiday Gift Guide

Do you have any recommendations? Must-haves? I’m especially interested to hear if you have a little-known book that hasn’t received the attention it deserves. Also, since they can be the most difficult to shop for, what gift ideas do you have for young adult and children’s books?