C h a z z W r i t e s . c o m

See all my books at AllThatChazz.com.

01/16/2013 • 9:50 PM 2

How I handle trouble (like Jesus)

I FINALLY OPEN UP TO YOU

ME: I handle trouble like Jesus. No, not that Jesus. I mean Jesus (pronounced “Hay-Soose”) Salvador Umberto Luis Diaz, my Cuban hit man from Bigger Than Jesus and Higher than Jesus. Recently I had to talk to Authority to get something fixed. I can’t go into details about the mission, but I will tell you how I approached the problem by channeling my alter ego/main character.

YOU: Wait a minute, Chazz, your main character isn’t just your protagonist? You’re actually saying he’s your alter ego? And he’s a hit man?

ME: The truth is, I’m not much use in most situations. Can’t cook or balance a chequebook or fix plumbing. My idea of small talk is asking if strangers believe in eternal damnation. Quantum mechanics, the Singularity and Simulation Theory is cool, but I’m apparently incapable of breezy talk about your job, your kids or your trip to Cancun. I can dislocate a shoulder and fix it again, but those opportunities don’t arise often…(ahem)…enough.

However, when out on a mission, I dress well and all in black, complete with black fedora.

YOU: A fedora? Really? That’s a…bold choice.

(A new edition, somewhat revamped.)

ME: It’s called style if you carry yourself like you don’t give a shit. I dress like a bad immortal from Highlander (soon to be released again and, as with Green Lantern, ruined by the otherwise beautiful Ryan Reynolds).

BACK TO HIT MAN FASHION CHOICES

Remember John Cusack in Grosse Pointe Blank when Dan Aykroyd asks him to join a union for hit men? He replies, “Look at me! Look at the way I dress! I didn’t get into this business to have any relationships! I don’t want to join your goddamn union. Loner, lone gunman! Get it? That’s the whole point!” God, I love that movie. My books have a similar sensibility and quirky comedy.

MY PIN SAYS “EVIL DOER”

That pin and a hard look gets me better service wherever I go, from sales people to cash registers. Jesus thinks like I think in many ways. My sense of humor is the same as Jesus’s. I write him. How could it not be so? We share a worldview about violence, revenge, love and commitment. (Though I wasn’t a Cuban émigré tortured in a Miami basement in my childhood, I did grow up in rural Nova Scotia, so clearly there are parallels in our psychological impairments.) We’re both paranoid and lie with a facility that would alarm you if we weren’t in the professions we’re in. Our motto is the same: Question Authority before Authority questions you. We both seem to have surprisingly fast reaction times, but that’s just because we’re always plotting how to respond should anything bad happen. We don’t relax. We anticipate and simmer.

“A quick-moving plot with lots of surprises and a clear-eyed examination of addiction.”

THE MEETING

True story: When I got into the meeting with Authority today, I made some jokes, but my jaw was tight and by the end of the meeting my rage showed. I reined it in and kept my voice low. Authority was cooperative. Authority was nice. Authority pressed his back into his chair, wide-eyed, nodding and worried. Even when I made a joke, Authority was afraid to laugh because Authority knew I was serious and there’s something there that I’m trying to hold back but the leash is slippery and the chain links are weak. Jesus Diaz is a “Do it to them before they get a chance to do it to you” sort of guy. We understand each other.

Authority agreed to my requests because I stood up for the little guy, because I’m right and because I channeled the Jesus in me. I love Jesus. Sure, he’s a contract killer, but he’s a victim, too, and if you read the books, you grow to understand and like him at the very least. Mr. Diaz is complex and tragic and funny and he’s the underdog who, despite all odds against him, somehow wins…or sort of wins. I relate to him on a visceral level.

ADDENDUM

YOU (brightly and, I suspect, disingenuously): O-kay…. That’s our time for today!

ME: Thank you, doctor. Same time next week?

YOU: If that’s okay with you, Mr. Chute, sure.

You think I missed that snarky little addendum of yours. You said it under your breath, but I read lips. After “sure” you added, “you psycho.”

Maybe it was even a subconscious thing you aren’t even aware you did, but I’m sure. My face betrays nothing. I nod toward your office window and point to the parking lot.

ME: There’s a homeless-looking guy who looks like he’s casing cars out there. Which car is yours?

Without thinking, you rush to the window and point out your car for me.

YOU: I don’t see anyone out there.

ME: He must have moved out of sight behind those hedges. You can’t be too careful. Nice car. It would be a shame if something were to happen to it.

“You will laugh your ass off!” ~ Author of Cybrgrrl, Maxwell Cynn

~ Robert Chazz Chute writes suspense, crime novels and has two guides to writing and publishing for sale. For his book links and to hear the All That Chazz podcasts, go to AllThatChazz.com. That would be so groovy.

The Moving Forward Edition (allthatchazz.com)
TOP TEN: Reach more readers with these blog tweaks (chazzwrites.com)
Seven tips about book marketing very few will heed (chazzwrites.com)
#NaNoWriMo: How to make reading like cardio (chazzwrites.com)

Filed under: Books, My fiction, All That Chazz, Bigger than Jesus, blogging, books, crime fiction, crime novel, ebooks, Green Lantern, Grosse Pointe Blank, Highlander, Jesus, Jesus Diaz, John Cusack, Podcast, publishing, Robert Chazz Chute, Ryan Reynolds, writing

01/15/2013 • 9:59 PM 3

How to Market A Spy Thriller With Zombies In 2013

~ Armand Rosamilia is the badass author of Miami Spy Games and much more. Today he guest blogs on leveraging cross-genre marketing for more book sales and happier readers.

Is it a spy story? A thriller? A zombie tale? Yes. Yes. Yes. But so much more!

I’ve self-published many a novella and short story in my time writing, and they have been pretty straight-forward in regards to subgenre: the Dying Days series is about zombies, Skulls And Bones collection is horror, Keyport Cthulhu is Lovecraftian horror, Death Metal was a thriller, and the Birthday Series (writing as K. Lee Thorne) is erotica. Regardless, there were a few slight mixes of genre, but I could put a finger on each pretty quickly when asked.

Miami Spy Games? Not so fast. The fun, for me as a writer, is knowing I have a great publisher backing me up in Hobbes End Publishing. They set everything up and let me just write the story. I enjoyed that, and I got lucky with a great cover and marketing plan. But in interviews I get asked all the time what the genre is. My cheat answer? It depends on who I’m talking to.

Recently I was a guest on the Zombiepalooza Radio Show, and I talked about it and worked the angle it was a zombie story with spies and thrills mixed in. I’ve done interviews for websites that cater to thrillers and crime stories, and I don’t talk so much about the zombies. Obviously with a title like Miami Spy Games: Russian Zombie Gun, you can figure it out. But the focus on the spies and the thrills is the most important part.

This year, with so many eBooks and print books being poured into the already huge system of releases, you need to keep your head above water and see if you can get noticed. When I mention zombies to people, quite a few are turned off immediately. They have no interest, but if I hit them with the word thriller or spies, they might be. Or vice versa.

The key is to know your current target audience and see how you can hook them with something as simple as ‘yeah, I wrote a cool story about zombies.’ Adapt and market your book the way you need to in order to sell it.

If you have any questions about the Miami Spy Games series, I’d love to hear them: armandrosamilia@gmail.com

Miami Spy Games on Amazon Kindle only $3.99!

Filed under: book marketing, Books, Guest blog post, publishing, Amazon Kindle, Armand Rosamilia, book marketing, book promotion, book sales, books, E-book, Miami Spy Games, publishing, Spy fiction, Zombie

01/14/2013 • 9:27 PM 1

Susan Kaye Quinn’s Self-Pub Basics (Part One of Four): Where to Publish

See on Scoop.it – Writing and reading fiction

Robert Chazz Chute‘s insight:

Someone asked me after yesterday’s post why I share so much on ChazzWrites. They thought I was hurting my chances by encouraging a little too much competition. I reject that premise since each author is so unique. If I was intimidated by the fact that others write, I shouldn’t write at all. Besides, I tell you about my research, other authors and other blogs here because that’s what a blog about publishing should do. I make a lot of friends and allies this way. The tide raises all micro-publishing boats. I spout plenty, so taking in information from outside my skull balances things out.

In that spirit, I heartily recommend this article written by Susan Kaye Quinn at the Scoopit! link below (from The Writer’s Guide to E-publishing). This is an excellent breakdown of where to publish and why. And yes, I think I have paid too much attention to paperbacks when it’s really ebooks that sell. I’m not dumping my paperbacks, but I should focus on them more as a promotional tool instead of pure sales. Lots more to learn at the link to this excellent post! Enjoy. ~ Chazz

See on thewritersguidetoepublishing.com

Filed under: publishing

01/13/2013 • 10:26 PM 5

The Perfect Pitch: The Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Contest begins

As I write this, we’re just two hours away from the entry form becoming available for the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award. It’s fun to think you might win $15,000 or even $50,000 and a publishing contract. There’s a trip involved, as well, but they fly you coach so that’s more penance for choosing this insane profession. I once attended a writing conference where someone worried if entering this contest was the right thing to do. Well…I suppose obscurity has its advanta—no, wait. No, it doesn’t. If you have a novel that fits their categories (i.e. Thriller/Mystery, Romance, Sci-fi/Fantasy/Horror, Young Adult, General Fiction) and you’re of a mind to get more attention to your work, the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award is one good place to do it. They stop accepting entries after 10,000 contestants, so get on it if you are going to attack this project.

You’ll need to supply an excerpt (3,000 to 5,000 words) and the whole manuscript must be scrubbed of any features that identify you as the author. Get all the contest rules and enter at CreateSpace.com.

Most people will struggle with getting the pitch just right.

Even if you’re a genius, you should struggle. The contest requires an awesome pitch of up to 300 words. At the first stage, there are so many competitors that the pitch has to be very sharp to cut a swath through the half-assed entries. Make it memorable, touching, funny, seductive and/or beguiling. It’s got to flow from one perfect sentence to the next. It has to be as sweet as Pam Dawber on Mork & Mindy and as sexy as Pam Anderson before the hepatitis. (And it can’t be as dated as those references, oh, fellow child of the ’70s and ’80s.)

Quick story

As I wrote the jacket copy for Crack the Indie Author Code and Write Your Book: Aspire to Inspire, I labored a long time over just a couple of hundred words. I sweated. Then I sent the jacket copy off to Kit, my graphic designer. He created the covers quickly. That was good, because I made a nuisance of myself. I went back at it and changed the copy again the next day. (Kit is patient.)

All our writing has to be right and tight, but advertising copy is its own crass poetry. You have to deliver a lot in a few words and entice without coming across as douchey. That’s remarkably tough to get right, as a plethora of lousy ads on TV attest.

I write a couple of thousand words a day, but novels and sales copy are related, but different arts. It takes a lot of writing, revising and honing to hit the compelling note so your reader feels a need to explore your offerings further.

Writing the pitch for The Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Contest today was like that.

I agonized, maybe even too much. Then I rewrote some more. Then I let it sit while I worked on formatting the entries. I came back and tinkered until I finally asked She Who Must Be Obeyed to read it. She smirked in the right places.

Not good enough! I couldn’t be satisfied until I got a full-throated laugh or possibly an out of control giggle. She Who Must Be Obeyed is not an easy audience. She rarely giggles.

I revised again and rearranged the set ups so the punchlines hit harder. When I was sure I had it, I called her back to reread the pitch to the contest. Even though she was already familiar with the material, she burst out laughing. Then I tweaked it a couple more times.

My pitch to the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Contest is all of 237 words and it took hours until I was sure it was the best I could make it.* If I don’t make it to the second round of the contest, I’ll probably be quite cross. By “quite cross” I mean that, wherever you live, you will hear my howl. Strap in.

*It’s worth noting that the novel also has to live up to the pitch.

~ Robert Chazz Chute is the author of a bunch of suspense, thrillers, two writing guides and one very weird book of self-help. He also podcasts with righteous abandon. For more, check out his flavor at AllThatChazz.com.

Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Starts Next Month (goodereader.com)
$50,000 breakthrough novel award from Amazon (wheredoyougetyourideas.net)
Elements of a Good Pitch: Thrill Us (tammysalyer.wordpress.com)

Filed under: All That Chazz, Writers, writing contests, writing tips, allthatchazz.com, Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award, Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Contest, books, fiction, writing

01/12/2013 • 7:49 PM 6

8 Tools to Create an Irresistible Ebook

See on Scoop.it – Writing and reading fiction

Writing and selling informational ebooks can be a great way to boost your brand, provide value to your community, and even make some money. But like any entrepreneurial experime…

Robert Chazz Chute‘s insight:

Mashable is, as always, awesome and you can read their suggestions at the Scoopit! link below.

Here are my thoughts on the list:

Scrivener is now available for PCs. Good! I don’t think the video tutorials alone will get you going with Scrivener, though. I had some troubles with formatting and file management. It’s not as easy as anyone would like, but it’s better than many alternatives. Expect to sift through the manual, too, not just the videos. Overall, Scrivener is wonderful, but the videos leave out the simplest steps, assuming they are too simple. Not for me, they weren’t. I found formatting properly often took (takes?) hours and a lot of experimentation. I’ll let you know. I’m formatting more tomorrow.

Evernote: I’ve got it. I’m still not sure how I should be using it. I’ll go to YouTube and check out a tutorial there. I’m sure for Evernote’s capabilities, that should be sufficient. It’s another of those cases where the tech is there, but it is not used to its fullest advantage.

99Designs: Be careful. I’ve seen some decent covers through there, but results were uneven. I prefer to work with one great designer (Kit Foster of KitFosterDesign.com). I like a steady hand on that graphic design wheel.

E-junkie: Brilliant. Many more of us will begin to sell more of our work through our own websites as KDP Select wanes further. I’m looking forward to taking that leap in the near future.

750words. Not a bad idea. You can also become accountable to the world by adding progress bars to your website. WordPress has plugins and the Chrome Store has free alternatives, too.

Ebooks about Creating Ebooks: The hottest ebook in this category just now is APE by Guy Kawasaki. (I also recommend Crack the Indie Author Code and Write Your Book: Aspire to Inspire for beginning your writing and publishing process, but I wrote those, so I would say that, wouldn’t I?)

Mailchimp: Awesomeness. I use it at AllThatChazz.com and it’s pretty easy to manage and free up to a point. You should subscribe for my newsletters and insider announcements. (But I would say that, too, wouldn’t I?)

ClicktoTweet: I haven’t used this one yet. It sounds good in theory. The content jammed in between those links better be awesome enough for all that retweeting, huh? Well…we’re all amazing here, so no problem.

See on mashable.com

Filed under: publishing

01/10/2013 • 9:50 AM 0

Dr. Debra Holland – Blog: An Agent Bashes Self-Publishing and Amazon

See on Scoop.it – Writing and reading fiction

Robert Chazz Chute‘s insight:

This is a great post about new reality clashing with old ideology. (Learn at the Scoopit! link below.) As a business model collapses, inertia drives some less adaptable people into a blind fury. As indie authors become more savvy, Gatekeepers of Necronomicon need to recognize their old incantations aren’t keeping us in a worshipful trance anymore. We’re awake and rising.

The “Amazon’s destroying publishing” trope is particularly egregious. It’s called capitalism and competition. Amazon started something that made them winners. (Their challenge now is to hold their lead.) The proliferation of books may not be great for traditional publishers but it does boil down to more choices for readers. Many traditional publishers blame Amazon for their demise, but I worked in traditional publishing long before Amazon and I can assure you many publishers died, not in battle, but of self-inflicted wounds. That trend continues.

Funny: Dr. Holland does not identify the fallen high priest, but authors in the know can guess exactly who the agent in question is. There’s a certain famous agent who has made a reputation bashing publishing alternatives. He thinks he’s making a good reputation with his dismissive attitude. He is in error. ~ Chazz

See on drdebraholland.blogspot.ca

Filed under: publishing

01/09/2013 • 2:04 AM 3

Writers: Reality check

Passion is more important than discipline.

Passion is the why. Discipline is the how that comes after the why. If you have passion for your writing, you won’t have to whip yourself to get to your keyboard. If you love what you do, it’s not work. It is play.

If you’re having fun, chances are your readers will have fun along with you.

Are you having fun with your writing? Is it alive and lively or are you forcing it? If you’re complaining about the work of writing, you haven’t hauled a huge wood stove into somebody’s basement down steep stairs, crawled through itchy pink insulation in a hot attic or dealt with some jerk from the wrong side of the Customer Service Counter. “I’m sorry, but if you don’t have a receipt for this blender…sure, you can complain to my manager about what a bad person I am for enforcing the rules everyone who isn’t a pinhead knows…sir.”

Writing isn’t for wimps, though.

As you write your next sentence, paragraph or chapter, dare to take the story in an unexpected direction. The expected direction is too easy. Your audience is people who read. They’re smart. They’ll spot the easy trajectory, the facile solution and clichéd dialogue. They’ll yawn and put down your book. Don’t let them. Keep them up all night, wondering. Challenge yourself and your characters more. Sure your heroine wins in the end, but who saw the inebriated monkey with the bandsaw coming? Only you could make that story arc work (wow, how awesome are you!)

Stretch.

Dare to be funny. Do some research so they’ll believe you and do some more so you can tell them something they don’t know. Let them hear your distinctive voice in their heads as they read. I once heard an author do a reading of a crime scene. It could have been any opening scene to a Law & Order (i.e. jogger finds beautiful corpse in Central Park/cops discuss). But she gave us flat characters and added nothing to make it different or memorable. It wasn’t just boring. It insulted the audience because the author expected to roll out her most minimal effort and earn applause. She received polite, golf green applause and I hated her a little for having to give her that much.

Write like it matters because it does.

In writing, you are creating new neural connections and giving your brain a dopamine bath. You’re reaching out to readers through time and space to distract them from our collective doom. Entertainment isn’t a “mere” entertainment. It’s an escape from existential horror. It’s respite from the retail hell for some poor girl in Idaho who needs a break after slaving all day in a Mrs. Field’s outlet at the mall. That girl needs to fill her brain with love, adventure, giggles and false hope or she won’t make it through another day of standing at that godforsaken counter praying for an asteroid strike and doling out diabetes.

Writing is one of the few things that is simultaneously brave and joyful.

Your profession is a daily act of compassion. Writing is Art, dammit! Besides feeding a loved one, kissing a boo-boo or strangling a mime, what could be better than a hot cup of coffee and the privilege of exploring the mysteries in an undistracted hour?

Writing is the best meditation.

When I can make myself laugh or cry with my words (and hope to touch another) it almost makes me doubt I’m soulless. When it’s especially good, our work has the power to stir emotions, learn the secrets our minds keep from us and maybe even squeeze meaning from stars. Don’t you dare complain you had a tough go at it today. You’re nothing less than a psychonaut divining what’s real and valuable from the deception others call The Ordinary. Writers know nothing is ordinary and our vision takes us to greater depths to pull our readers to heights. We help people fly through an otherwise egregious hour and make it feel like minutes in a better world. We’re the drug in the doctor’s waiting room. We make getting trapped, housebound in a snowstorm, worthwhile.

Love yourself and love others by writing today.

Aspire to inspire others with your words and let your actions fall into natural alignment with your mission. Write!

We are writers.

We are the lucky ones.

Make it a great day.

Writers, Readers and the Blame We Get (chazzwrites.com)
Quotes for Writers by Writers (quotesqr.com)
Stop Making Excuses and Write (fulltimewritermom.com)

Filed under: Writers, writing tips, Art, Aspire to inspire, inspiration, Robert Chazz Chute, Story arc, Write Your Book: Aspire to Inspire, writer, Writers Resources, writing

01/06/2013 • 5:43 PM 0

Part I: The best life advice ever

See Part II: Losing to Win at AllThatChazz.com

Tips and inspiration for the indie author’s journey to publication.

I’m a big fan of comedian and uber-podcaster Joe Rogan. He’s a guy with eclectic interests and an incisive mind. He shared some advice I think everyone could benefit from as we work on keeping our resolutions for 2013. (That’s right! I’m still talking about those promises we made to ourselves New Year’s Eve! Don’t quit!)

Whatever your roadblock in life, he suggests you imagine yourself as the hero or heroine of a movie. Your life is that movie. Whatever you do, a film crew is following you around and capturing each moment as you go about being that brave, smart, energetic, get-things-done protagonist. Protagonists have plots and plans and they act on them to go from zero to hero, loser to Nobel prizewinner. See yourself as if through that lens and you’ll soon find out how that changes your life.

Pop quiz, hotshot! What do you do? What do you do?

Go to AllThatChazz.com for Part II and to see what I’m doing with my movie right now.

What will you make of 2013? Help is on the way. (chazzwrites.com)
Seven tips about book marketing very few will heed (chazzwrites.com)
The first solution to your resolution: Dump MPR (chazzwrites.com)
What will you eat to lose weight in 2013? (allthatchazz.com)
TOP TEN: Reach more readers with these blog tweaks (chazzwrites.com)

Filed under: publishing, 2013, allthatchazz.com, books, Business, diet, getting better, good advice, Joe Rogan, lifestyle, New Year, new year's resolutions, Robert Chazz Chute, Weight loss

01/06/2013 • 10:47 AM 1

A Few Comments about JA Konrath’s Resolutions for Writers

See on Scoop.it – Writing and reading fiction

Ashley Barron on JA Konrath’s retreat from book promotion.

Robert Chazz Chute‘s insight:

I have great respect for anything JA Konrath has to say, but there is a gap between advice from those who’ve made it and those still in the struggle. The struggle has gotten harder, even compared to a few months ago, let alone years.

More on reaching out to new readers in my next post. ~ Chazz

See on blog.thepriyas.com