C h a z z W r i t e s . c o m

See all my books at AllThatChazz.com.

A Series is Born: Free ebook and Parting Shots, a new short story

Have you taken advantage of the COUPON CODE at my Goodreads blog yet? Get Asia Unbound for free! The coupon expires Jan 1.

At the risk of sounding like an infomercial, but wait there’s more! The new short story, Parting Shots is what happens the morning after the events that occurred in Asia Unbound. The stories are complete and can stand alone, or read both to discover the weave. Parting Shots is available at my Smashwords page.

In Parting Shots, Marcus in the Morning gets into an argument about God and the nature of the universe,

proving that sometimes when you win, you lose.

Poeticule Bay, Maine is a mix of towns I grew up in on the east coast. Think Stephen King minus the fun clown in It and you have the flavor of my childhood. The small-town claustrophobia and dark family dynamics kept showing up in my fiction so much, I had to succumb to the call and admit escape, redemption, sacrifice and the twisted and twisty were recurring themes. There’s no sense fighting the muse. I look forward to writing many books that will take place in my favorite foggy inlet tucked away from the world. Even though it’s tucked away, Poeticule Bay is not immune from the world’s ills. Instead, its small size amplifies the darkness in a microcosm. Check out the books now and you’ll see the evolution behind the suspense series.

The Poeticule Bay stories evolved organically, so some characters recur across the Fictionscape. The novelette, The Dangerous Kind, all takes place in Poeticule Bay. Asia in Asia Unbound was born years ago in my imagination. However, an incarnation of that character, Legs Gabrielle, returns to Poeticule Bay to confront her past in Self-help for Stoners. If you’ve read the short story Context, at the end of Self-help for Stoners, you might have picked up on the clue that the alcoholic cop is Asia’s uncle in Asia Unbound. I’m working on a Poeticule Bay novel that brings back several characters from these stories: Sheriff Rose, Joey and Jason (from The Dangerous Kind). Legs Gabrielle from Self-help for Stoners is the main character in the novel. (More on that later.)

Please check out all the books through the Smashwords link above.

But Chazz! I only read paper books! Sure! Check out the Self-help for Stoners paperback here.

I hope you enjoy them all. Happy Boxing Week!

Filed under: All That Chazz, Books, ebooks, getting it done, self-publishing, What about Chazz?, , , , ,

Self-help for Stoners is now available on Stitcher (plus the Christmas message of hope and gooeyness)

What a week! Self-help for Stoners is now available in paperback. I have a new short story up at Smashwords and tonight I just got an email from Stitcher that my podcast, the companion to the book Self-help for Stoners, is available on their app. Here’s part of the email they just sent me:

Self-help for Stoners is now available on Stitcher! Thank you
so much for joining the Stitcher lineup. We are thrilled to offer the
show on the app! We are really excited that you have joined the platform. Your show
will now be available with one click on mobile phones and iPads all
over the world, SONOS systems, in-car dashboards and more to come!
I hope your audience will enjoy the flexibility and ease of the Stitcher app.
I know many of our Stitcher listeners will enjoy your show as a new
listening option.

Yes, I know it’s a form letter. That knowledge doesn’t detract a bit. I’m thrilled. (The Self-help for Stoners podcast is also available, as usual, at iTunes or straight from my website —which, as of today, is officially all mine— at allthatchazz.com.)

I plan for a busy “holiday” in that there won’t really be one. I have a lot of writing and revising to do to make the novels available faster and who takes a vacation from playing, anyway? I usually feel harried, but I think I’m learning to embrace the chaos. I’m having so much fun that I don’t want to take a break from writing at all. I’ve also learned to take advantage of my manic phases of activity when they strike. Given my Getting-Stuff-Done Mode lately, I imagine it’s like being on Adderall minus that pesky expense. This Christmas, my present to myself is the gift of repairing broken promises I made when I was eight years old. I wanted to publish books. I’m doing it now and staying in the driver’s seat. This wasn’t possible just three or four years ago. Now, for better and worse, I’m in control.

And I’m so grateful. I’m working full-time, working longer hours than I ever have. It feels like I’m in university again and it’s always crunch time. I knew working full-time as a writer and publisher would take up a lot of my time. I didn’t expect it would be this much fun. When my family asked me what I wanted for Christmas this year, I told them, “Nothing. I don’t deserve anything.” Oddly, I don’t mean that I’m in Hate-Myself Mode. I mean, every day is already a gift. Cliche. And true.

Whether you buy my books or not, I hope you find value in this blog because it’s a labor of love that gives back to me in so many ways. I learn so much by the research I do for the blog. If not for the blog, I never would have met author Jeff Bennington, for instance. He ended up formatting my paperback and he always has advice that makes me think. If not for this blog, I would have missed out on the talent of Kit Foster, my amazing graphic designer, who, so far, has made three book covers for me. I made friends with Dave Jackson at The School of Podcasting. He helped with starting the podcast and also with the author website. There are so many talented authors I’ve met through Chazz Writes who have been so helpful,  like Lorina Stephens, Rebecca Senese, Roz Morris, Reena Jacobs, Lisa Stull, Eden Baylee and many more.

Take a trip through the archives here and you’ll find many articles on the craft of writing and editing, but also author profiles of intrepid fellow writers who are putting themselves out there. We wave banners and take risks. We reject the rejectionists. We say no to the naysayers. We aren’t looking for followers. We are recruiting revolutionaries to our cause and that cause is free expression. We are all so lucky to live at a time when dissemination of our words, broadcasting our thoughts and publishing our books has never been easier or less censored. The rising voices are a din, yes, but I don’t hear desperation in the new wave of information and entertainment. I hear joy and bravery. I hear greater independence and more choice. You can buy books cheaply and quickly. We can debate how healthy this is for writers. We can worry about the state of traditional publishing and bookstores. Though some people whine about to many books, that’s crazy. More choice means more freedom. Whatever happens next, one group has already won: readers.

There are too many people to name here who have helped me to begin this journey. If you have helped me by example, with advice, with encouragement, with proofing, with editing, with design or financially by buying into my fiction, please know that I appreciate it so very much. If we already know each other, I’ve already thanked you for your part in helping me move forward and I’ll no doubt thank you again! One more concrete way I thank people is by promoting your books and hosting guest posts and retweeting your posts and aggregating the best information I can find for you here and on my Scoopit! page. I’ll continue to do so. I promise.

After putting off this life for a long time, my present has finally arrived. This has got to be the gooiest post I’ve written. If you don’t have a sweet tooth, I’m sorry for all this sugar and syrup (but it springs from a happy place.)

This will be my last blog post until 2012. (Okay, I’ll be checking in, continuing Scoopit! and I might pop in with more good news if I get some.) However, my plan is to disappear into some pages and go on a writing binge and get some more stuff done. The guy who gets stuff done is the new me.

This Christmas, I wish you the gift of happiness. 

If you don’t have it yet, know that you can make it so.

If I can, you can.

Filed under: All That Chazz, getting it done, podcasts, publishing, What about Chazz?, What about you?, , , , , , , , , , , ,

How to deal with the stigma of self-publishing

In the last week, the self-publishing stigma has reared up for me twice. An e-newsletter publicized one of my books (hurray!), but there was something in the text I hadn’t expected. The guy behind the newsletter added “(self-published)” to the news that my book was out. As grateful as I am for any publicity, I stared at that for some time and I wondered what the term meant to him. I suspect  that either he, or his readers, will jump to conclusions about my books based on that little parenthetical. It struck me as odd that Newsletter Guy added that detail. Was that a conscious wink and a nod to his readers? A warning? Or am I being overly sensitive and paranoid? Possibly, but then I ran into someone at a party whose first question about my book—his only question, come to think of it—was whether I’d self-published. In that case, the guy was in front of me. I can read body language just fine so I know his estimation of my books went down with the news that my books are not traditionally published.

I didn’t get into all the great reasons to be a self-publisher. I just moved on. I’m not begging anyone to read my books, especially when I sense I’ve already been dismissed. That way madness lies. Always move on quickly to the people who get what you’re doing. The 80/20 rule is crucial to your sanity as well as your success in whatever you do.

But the term “self-publishing” makes it sound like I do it all on my own, without checks and balances. It’s not like I’m a fresh-faced noob at this. I’ve worked for several publishers in various positions. I trained in traditional publishing, worked in it and have written and edited profitably for years. I hired a graphic artist, a formatter and proofreaders. I have beta-readers. Yes, I’ve found two minor typos since the publication of one of my books. But I can probably find typos in most any traditionally published book you throw my way. If a couple of typos cranks you up that much, don’t read anything. I don’t begrudge traditional publishers a few mistakes. They can extend me the same grace (especially since their books are much more expensive) and I’ll put my ebooks’ quality up against anything similar sold in any bookstore. That’s not knocking the traditionally published, by the way. I read and love many authors, indie and non. I’m just saying traditional publishers don’t have a magic potion to achieve good books. Their special (and rapidly diminishing) value is in a legacy of distribution, not a monopoly on quality.

It irritates me when people make judgments about my books (my babies!) sight unseen. Publishers generally don’t have brands. One of my previous employers, Harlequin, is a noted exception. With them, you know what you get every time across all their lines. They are incredibly consistent in their offerings to a devoted fan base. However, most publishers’ lists, even within genres, are unique. People don’t buy books based on which publisher put out the books. No one goes into a bookstore and says, “I want a book by Harper Collins.” They do ask for specific authors.

But I’ve been here before. I know what to do. It’s time to gird my loins and get tough and ignore any jibes or perceived jibes. Occasional rudeness shouldn’t be tolerated but, if you live in this world, you can pretty much expect it occasionally. When I started in massage therapy, I heard a lot of inappropriate jokes that pissed me off. An uneducated public made assumptions about me and what I did as a therapist that offended  me. In my first year or so working as a massage therapist, I often thought about quitting because I pictured an entire career of defending my reputation against every idiotic stranger ready with a quick and uninformed opinion.

While naysayers and doubters questioned my work, I started reaching my public. I began to help people with serious injuries and diseases. I rehabilitated difficult health problems that had stymied other practitioners, sometimes with even miraculous results. With time, I found I rarely had to defend myself against remarks by ignorant people. I grew my fan base and those became the people with whom I spent my time. (There’s that useful 80/20 rule again.) I went on to work as a therapist for almost twenty years.

I’ve battled prejudice before.

I’ll do it again.

Just watch me.

I’m coming.

Self-publishers need confidence bordering on arrogance to do what we do. The decision to believe in our art will carry us through the work ahead. We don’t have time for negativity. We’re too busy making our dreams happen. Maybe one day we won’t call ourselves self-publishers at all. Maybe “independent publisher” is a better term (just as I and my fellow therapists once debated whether we should abandon the word “massage” because of its past negative connotations.) Self-publishing has a bad rep for a reason, but I’m not part of the problem. Eventually, the market, not gatekeepers in New York, will vindicate me. With time and patience, word about my words will spread. The people who like my work will share the good news with others.

If you’ve already helped me by buying my books, telling a friend, writing a review or retweeting my tiny presence on the literary scene, thank you very much!

I’m focussed on you, the believers.

Filed under: Books, getting it done, grammar, My fiction, Publicity & Promotion, What about Chazz?, writing tips

Why Your Publishing Dreams Don’t Matter: Jabs & Counterpunches

A comedian once said, “You know who cares about your problems more than you do? Nobody.”

I’ve opened and closed two alternative medicine practices. The first time I shut it down because I moved far away. The second time was November 1, to write and publish full-time (and here we are!) With each experience I learned this: It is stupefying how unimportant I am. When a business is over, it’s over. People with whom I’d developed long relationships moved on, disappeared and, for them, I no longer exist. They came for a service and they have no interest in checking out what I’m doing now. For most, you have one role that fulfills their needs and just because you’re interested in something new means nothing. I’m not bitter. (Really!) But I was…inexplicably…surprised. On my last day of work, there were no fireworks. Just a little second-guessing: What have I done?! And rum. I toasted my wall certificates and twenty years of service now behind me.

I had a similar surprise with the birth of our first child. I thought the universe should stop, leave us alone and just send in the checks, thank you very much. And shouldn’t every child born in a hospital receive a plaque that stays up forever? (True story: as I stood by She Who Must Be Obeyed while she was in scary labour, a client walked into my office and complained to my secretary that I wasn’t available. And she was really angry about it. As an accomplished massage therapist, even I couldn’t pull said client’s head out of an ass that deep.)

Diagnosis?

Silly Narcissism and Advanced Entitlement Syndrome.

The disease is a pandemic, a silent killer of your hopes and dreams of literary legacy.

And so we come to your dreams in publishing. I have dreams, too. And they don’t matter, either. No one owes us a chance. The only way to develop an audience is to give people a reason to pay for your book with your unique voice, your twisted plot, your different take, your soaring prose, your quirky charm and wit. Or at least have a sexy cover and write a book blurb that makes them suspect you might be capable of these talents. People pay for books because they read your amazing blurb or someone they trust recommended it or you got a good review or a great intro from a celebrity or won a major contest or they received a free excerpt and (this is critical) you entranced and engaged them. 

Jab:

Your friends and family? They’re already tired of you going on about your book.

(Don’t feel bad. It happens to everyone. I’ve already exhausted my friends, too. And I have so few.)

Counterpunch:

Extend your reach somehow.

Get into Goodreads, do a podcast, hold a contest, do a give away, do press, make an event.

In short, do something that engages strangers with your work. That’s right. Scary strangers who may hate you. Your mom can only buy so many copies.

There’s a parallel in stand up comedy. It’s really hard to get a start in stand up. First, you have to be funny and you need to write a lot. The hard part is the on the job training where you get onstage at open mics and start impressing people or humiliating yourself horribly in ways you never really forget and hardly ever live down without therapy.

Some comedians start out with “Bringers.” A Bringer is where a club manager will let you on his stage to do your act as long as you bring a bunch of friends to fill seats and pay for the two-drink minimum on a Monday night at 11:30 PM. It’s scuzzy. You perform (a bad act) for free, the club gets paid on an otherwise off night and, you hope, your friends laugh. They’re your buddies so they probably will laugh. And that’s the problem. It’s safe and you won’t know what’s really working and worse? You probably paid for half their drinks and their tickets. Instead, perform in front of dangerous strangers.

Artists must write and paint and dance and sculpt and perform for strangers. It’s not really working unless people—who could hate your work—love your work.* Your publishing dream is a nightmare until people you don’t know start a buzz about your books.

This is not to say that friends can’t help you in your publishing journey. I am saying friends can’t carry you all the way around the track. You must somehow figure out how to expand your network beyond the people you know and the immediate few contacts of the people you know. We must all write for strangers. After they decide they like what you write, maybe you could be Facebook friends.

Don’t give up on your dreams. Do wake up to make them happen. 

Yes, that sounds like the platitude pasted under a sunset in one of those inspirational posters people routinely ignore.

*”It’s not really working unless people—who could hate your work—love your work.” Please note: Many of your critics make no distinction between you and your work and you certainly won’t, either. I was being coy. Art, especially now, is a business of personality. This business couldn’t be more personal. Those strangers who hate your work will actually hate you and they all want to cut you with rusty spoons.**

**This point is only mildly overstated for full effect. Have a nice, productive day.

Filed under: ebooks, getting it done, Publicity & Promotion, self-publishing, writing tips, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Self-publishers: Why I went multimedia (and why you should, too)

Movie of an precessing gyroscope. Generated by...

Image via Wikipedia

Boy, did I have an eye-opener this morning that left me spinning! I shouldn’t have been surprised, but when you write and publish and do your thing, you naturally assume everybody gets your message at the same speed and time. Well, I naturally assumed that.

And I was wrong. Again.

Last night I posted a little promotional trailer for my books. It wasn’t anything fancy nor was it specific to one book. I was just playing around with iMovie. I had never messed with it before and I didn’t even look at a tutorial or read a help topic. I wasn’t feeling great, so I thought I’d use an otherwise unproductive Sunday afternoon to do something fun. I’ve blogged about book trailers before and generally I take a dim view of them. Let’s be honest: most book trailers suck. In fact, I might argue that the little movie I made kind of sucks, but first, a review of my problems with book trailers:

A book trailer is a commercial. People don’t like long commercials and most book trailers go on way too long. Nobody watches a commercial and wishes it was longer except for the old Old Spice commercials (that showed wit) and the commercials for the beer favoured by The Most Interesting Man in the World. From my research, I found what most authors have found: book trailers don’t sell books. John Locke points out that little movies about your books appeal to the author’s vanity but don’t do much for most readers and do nothing to increase sales. Some say that if you’re going to make a book trailer, make it funny or forget it. Or spend some real money on it, go big or stay home.

Despite all that, I did make that trailer for my books. (It’s in the post directly below this one if you’re curious.) Given all that I’ve said, why bother with a trailer at all? I made it for a very specific reason. It’s posted on YouTube, but really, I’m sure that’s not going to do anything. I posted it on Google+ and Facebook, but that’s probably nothing more than an idle curiosity or for people who, I’m almost sure, already know what I’m up to for the most part. For me, the trailer had to be of specific use for Goodreads.

I put the trailer on my Goodreads author profile. There are many authors on Goodreads and it’s a great forum for book lovers. If you want to read reviews and find books you might not otherwise find, it’s the place to be. I was slow to adopt Goodreads, but now I love it. However, it’s not a good place to promote yourself as an author and when you do much of anything outside of your own profile, you have to be very careful not to appear spammy. Sure, you’re filled with joy at the latest review or publishing milestone, but venture out into the forums with that same joy and someone will call you out pretty quick for subverting the mission of Goodreads. It’s for readers, not for writers. (If, as an author, you want to advertise on Goodreads, there’s a proper route for that and it requires payment and mucho dinero.)

I was shocked and embarrassed to find that I’d already violated Goodreads’ etiquette. I got a really great review for one of my books and I thought it only polite to thank the reviewer with a note on the post. The Powers That Be don’t want authors to thank reviewers. I can see, in the big picture, why they don’t want authors to do that. Maybe reviewers would be less honest if they were self-conscious or trying for thank you notes from authors. Worse, authors might also fall into responding to bad reviews, which we should never, ever do. Mmmm…almost never ever.

So how does one distinguish oneself on Goodreads without running afoul of the Goodreads sheriff and the good townspeople? Be nice. (I hope that’s not an act, Dexter Morgan.) Engage. Act like a reader and be passive about your self-promotion. Keep the self-promotion to a minimum and keep it on your page, no one else’s. No spam mail and nothing that could appear to a reasonable person as a personal agenda. Crank the helpfulness and interest up to maximum and just be you. (Unless you’re a serial killer.)

Goodreads devotes a lot of instructional text to authors so we can learn the proper rules of comportment and etiquette on the site. If you don’t adhere, they might kick you out or at least make you feel bad. Most author pages look pretty much the same, so I made a trailer to put on my page (not to send out to The People of Earth, awaiting applause.) Some people are more willing to watch a little movie than read through your witty little bio and personal mind map of the dreamscape you intend to self-actualize. I hoped to distinguish myself by having a little movie where many authors do not.

(Yes, at the end of this post, I’ll tell you the shocker I got, but first…)

So I have books on Kindles and smartphones and e-readers thither and yon. And now I have video (be it ever so humble.) I also went with audio. Here’s where things get really interesting. Podcasts are the new radio. I hardly ever listen to old radio unless I’m trapped in a car in a snow bank in a snowstorm with two broken legs and cannibalizing a Lutheran in a coma. It still astonishes me when I say the word “podcast” and get a blank look. I listen to podcasts constantly. The wonder of internet radio allows me to get through all the mundane tasks, like washing dishes, doing laundry and spaying the neighbour’s cat with lawn darts. Blindfolded. (Me, not the cat. Where’s the sport, otherwise?)

Writing and producing and performing a podcast seemed to me the natural companion strategy to writing books. I wrote Self-help for Stoners, Stuff to Read When You’re High. Why not cross-promote with a weekly comedy podcast that features excerpts from the book? I called the podcast Self-help for Stoners and naturally the tagline is Stuff to Listen to When You’re High. It’s up on iTunes. The combination is an easy fit. I had a little background in radio. I’m not at ease on the mic at all, but I’m relearning those skills, like how to sound natural again.

The book is a weird hybrid I could easily draw from for a weekly comedy podcast. It’s mostly fiction with suspenseful elements, but there are funny stories, parables, exhortations, weird facts and brain tickles. When it’s preachy, it’s preachy on purpose and, I think, entertainingly so. There’s even a sci-fi story in the mix! It’s a collection that most publishers wouldn’t touch, but from my background in traditional publishing, I decided that those reasons were bad reasons. I had a book with a hook. (And no, you don’t have to be a stoner to enjoy the fun. Many people are surprised when they find some stories challenge the idea that being a stoner is even a good idea.)

If that sounds like a lot of work that has nothing to do with writing books, you’re right…sort of. I write full-time. This all I do, so I have more time than most. Yes, I know how lucky I am and I can’t tell you how grateful I am for my family’s support. I tell them every day. As She Who Must Be Obeyed ventures out into the real world each morning, I say, “Win that bread and bring home that bacon, Ward!” She says, “Have a good day, June.” And then I skip (no, not metaphorically) back into the house and to my desk, into unreal worlds. The book feeds the podcast, but the podcast can inform the rest of my writing and, most important, touch an audience I would not otherwise reach. I podcast so the books I write may be read.

But what about you, you, you? Podcasts are everywhere on any topic you can dream up. It’s cheap promotion. It’s fun (mostly). You might make new friends and find a new readership. If you aren’t already podcasting, you should consider it. Or think about advertising on a podcast. That’s also inexpensive compared to traditional avenues. Podcast the same way you blog: talk about those things that ignite your passion, stimulate your skull box or tickle you silly. Get a friend to co-host and you’ve got a conversation. (I have no friends so I’m doing it solo. “But someday…” he said wistfully.)

But that’s not all. There’s Facebook, of course, though that’s generally more for tight amigos than business. Facebook has its problems as a business outlet (but this post is already too long and overuses the delightful parenthetical so let’s move on briskly.) Aside from blogging for writers and the self-published here, I also post on my Goodreads blog and on allthatchazz.com, the site for my readers. (If I ever say “fans,” drag me out into the street and reinvent the guillotine.)

Whenever I have down time (among the many tasks of formatting for ebooks, formatting for print, administrivia and…oh yeah, actually writing my books) I maintain three Twitter accounts. You probably know me from @RChazzChute on Twitter and such industrial films as “Whose Thumb is in the Fry-o-later?” @RChazzChute is where I meet most of my writing friends and fellow self-publishers. I got frustrated with Twitter’s whacky algorithm that slows me from following more people, so I went for more Twitter accounts.

@Expartepress (from my company name) is geared to readers and for activism. My pets are free speech, Occupy Everywhere and sovereign choices wherever no one else gets hurt, like eating Lutherans, for instance.

To promote the podcast, I let loose on @THECHAZZSAYS. I do an explicit comedy podcast, so when I have something edgy to say, it’s probably there (though some of you are already pissed off at me for the cat spaying joke. Most everyone who isn’t a Lutheran is okay with the cannibalism joke, however.)

So my target audiences are: Writers, Readers and the People of Earth With a Sense of Humour and an Interest in Fiction. It’s a small target but I can hit it.

What and how much is right for you?: Yes, multimedia promotion is a lot of work but don’t whine about the workload if you choose it for yourself.  Whining is unattractive.

I only do as much as I enjoy and the core writing always comes first. I wrote 11 pages of my new novel this morning, thank you very much.

Wait, wait! What about your terrible mistake? You said you’d tell us why you’re a complete idiot, Chazz! Oh. Right. Ahem. I’ve written this blog for some time. I’ve talked about my books and I’ve blogged about the craft of writing and editing extensively. I figured regular readers already knew what I was up to. However, this morning a fellow writer commented that the book trailer was cute. And…wait for it…up until she saw the trailer, she thought my books were all non-fiction. 

Ack!

Gulp!

Well, that’s humbling. I thought I’d already reached my immediate circle with my promise of suspense, fun, literature and frivolity. I failed to do that with someone who has guest blogged here and comments often. That’s not her fault. She’s a peach. The fault is mine. Maybe I didn’t talk long enough. Maybe I wasn’t short and pithy. Maybe the titles were misleading. For whatever reason I am not at this moment discerning through my haze of tears for fears, it took the book trailer for her to hear, “Hi, I’m Robert Chazz Chute and I think you’ll enjoy my fiction.”

If I can’t promote general awareness of my books, actual sales are farther off than I thought.

Her confusion is a signal to me. If it’s true for one, it’s often true for many.

Clearly, I have more promotional work to do. Much more.

You probably do, too.

Filed under: book trailer, Books, getting it done, Publicity & Promotion, readers, self-publishing, Social Media, What about Chazz?, , , , , , , , , , ,

One way to write more

 

 

Writing is an arty business that requires a lot of patience, persistence and waiting. Many people give up too soon because they aren’t getting a dopamine release. Like your Mom told you as you lay on the living room couch in front of the XBOX for the eighteenth hour, you’ll do better in business if you master the knack for delayed gratification. (Somehow. I don’t know how.) The problem is your body is programmed to hit the short-term happy button like a chicken pounding the pellet lever for a crazed psychologist’s cocaine experiment. Long-term thinkers have manuscripts to publish. Short-term thinkers will ditch work to hit a Transformers movie.

Other professions get a personal payoff faster. Watch any chiropractor at work and you can see the dopamine release hit them in the brain pan with each spinal crack. Some professions never get a happy brain chemical payoff (e.g. any retail food industry job. The hit comes from abusing customers and stealing fries straight from the fry-o-later.)

People who write  a lot do so for varied reasons: NaNoWriMo hopes, fear, desperation, spite, being otherwise unemployable, ambition, compulsion or perhaps, as George Orwell admitted, a rather pathetic need “to be thought clever.” (Bingo!) Underneath most of our brain tickles is dopamine, the drug of choice in the pharmacy that is your brain.

This may sound a little bit silly, but it’s working for me. Last night I was at my keyboard reworking the morning’s writing (the fountain pen’s comes first) and my nine-year-old son popped into the office and said, “What is that sound?”

A chimpanzee brain at the Science Museum London

Image via Wikipedia

“That, my tiny friend, is an ancient sound I’ve brought back through the magic of the interwebs.” (Google “Typewriter sounds” for your device and you’ll find another tool for your personal reward system.)

He gave me the quirky eyebrow, annoyed plus perplexed look. (Try that. It’s a tough combination.)

“That’s the sound of a typewriter, son.” When I hit the keys on my Mac’s keyboard, click, click, click-click, clickety click. Fun, yes? Well, it is for me. And I don’t think it’s just nostalgia for my first year of journalism school. I’m getting aural feedback on my typing so I find I’m typing a little faster and a little more accurately. And dopamine. That, plus the floaty feeling of slipping into a story and making the world go away.

Aaaaah! Give me another hit, Mr. Candyman! Clickety-clack, clickety-click, Barba trick…click…clickety…

How do you reward yourself for missions accomplished to keep the plates spinning and the fun coming faster?

Filed under: getting it done, NanNoWriMo, Writers, writing tips, , , , , , ,

Self-publishing: The gold rush is not over. Believe.

Logo of LIFE magazine.

Image via Wikipedia

A couple of indie publishers have expressed concerns about the whole self-publishing venture lately.“Concerns” is too weak a word. They’re talking like the self-publishing revolution is over and already lost, an infant succumbed to Crib Death. It was, they say, a gold rush and only those who got in early with paranormal romance and lame thrillers made it big (or at all.) As I embark on a new career in self-publishing, it’s pretty scary to hear people you respect talk like they might fold their cards and curl up like cute little hedgehogs poked with a stick.

Writing a great book is always the main problem. If you don’t have that, there really is no hope. Then there’s the problem of obscurity. How will people find your great book? The easiest way to be a bestseller is to already be a bestseller, so that’s no use to most of us. What to do? Nobody knows how to make anything “go viral” unless it involves a basket of kittens in danger of being crushed by an anvil. (You wince at that image, but you’d click that link on YouTube, if only to express your outrage.)

Self-publishers must believe in themselves and their work, especially when it is unreasonable to do so. To be heard, to go viral, to get any attention at all, we must engage with others, often individually. Such promotional activity eats up a lot of time, but I don’t know any other solid way to do it. (Actually, I do have some other ideas I’m acting upon, TBA soon.)

If your self-publishing strategy isn’t working, you’re going to have change your strategy. Evaluate what you’re publishing and then evaluate again. Do your covers suck? Are you publishing to your taste without regard to your audience? Do you have an identifiable audience you can reach out to? What do you have to do differently to make this crazy Scooby Gang scheme work? (Hint: It’s not what you have been doing, more and louder.)

If you don’t find that hope you once had, what will you do? Take up selling real estate and self-loathing? No. We write because we must write. It wasn’t really a choice. Giving up and doing something else is a choice, but if you’re here, the writing bug sank its fangs in early and that burning venom never leaves the body.

No whining or blaming. I’m sympathetic to problems in self-publishing, of course. I was in traditional publishing for years, sold a lot of books for others and eventually got fed up with the hierarchy. Now that I’ve switched to self-publishing, it’s all shiny and new and I’m full of foolish missionary zeal and silly hope and I haven’t been worn down by grim reality yet. I get that. But what are the alternatives to getting fatigued by the Sisyphian task of promoting your books in an environment where most people think your babies are ugly and your promotional efforts are spam?

Start with unreasonable hope. Move on from there to taking a refreshing break (possibly with peers over scotch) and some reevaluation time to figure out how you’ll change your game. Don’t put down the slush of ebooks that obscure your precious work. Rise above it by being just that damn good. If what you’re doing isn’t working, find alternative paths to indie success. Retitle your book to something catchier. Get a power endorsement from someone you might now think is inaccessible. Figure out what successful people are doing and model your strategy on theirs.

I haven’t sold a lot of my books yet. I’m maintaining the delusion that I will until I make these lies I tell myself true. Steve Jobs had a Reality Distortion Field to motivate himself and others to believe they could accomplish big things. We need to energize our own Reality Distortion Fields. That’s what gets this crappy reality bent to the reality you want.

Comfort yourself in knowing that the gold rush isn’t over. It’s barely begun. When I go out in the world with my Kindle, people still slow down and say, “What’s that?” Last Christmas, readers got a big boost. There will be another big boost this Christmas in e-reader sales. Buck up. Believe.

Remember when you started self-publishing and were innocent of the struggle? Find that person in the mirror. You’re going to need him or her to face getting that big rock up that big hill. If it be a failure, make it glorious so you’ll know you really tried. The most powerful words I know are, “Begin again.”

If you’re indie, you are not a cute little hedgehog.

You are a lion.

Click here to get your free sample of Self-help for Stoners, Stuff to Read When You’re High

Filed under: DIY, e-reader, ebooks, getting it done, self-publishing, What about Chazz?, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The unorthodox ebook license note:

Don’t worry about book piracy. If someone wants to pirate your book, they will and there’s nothing you can do about that. Worry about obscurity, not piracy. It’s much better to put your time into writing a good book and marketing it well than to slam your head against hard things you can’t control. (That got sexier than I intended.)

Anyway, instead of the usual pleading license notes about all my hard work on my books (releasing very soon now, I swear!) I opted for this as my license page:

License Notes

This ebook is licensed to you for your personal entertainment. Please do not resell this ebook or give it away to others. If you would like to share this ebook with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient.

Ebooks are an inexpensive pleasure — couch change and impulse buys! — that can be enjoyed for hours, so c’mon! Don’t be a douche.

Thank you for respecting art (and starving writers, too!)

Filed under: Books, ebooks, getting it done, Intentionally Hilarious, self-publishing, Writers, writing tips, , , , , , , , ,

How to tell when criticism is unreasonable

"Do not feed the Trolls" sign. Photo...

Image via Wikipedia

Recently I read a blog post that angered me and broke my heart a little. When we dare to express ourselves, there’s always going to be someone who disagrees, doesn’t like it and thinks you’re stupid. Some people aren’t shy about letting you know how they feel and are pretty blunt about it. Constructive criticism is helpful criticism, administered gently. Awhile back I got a nice note about an edit that needed to be done on my other blog. The guy pointed out the problem and couldn’t have been sweeter about it. As a result, I went out of my way to help him in turn. Then there are those other people.

How to tell when criticism is unreasonable:

1. They focus on you instead of the issue. People who start out by insulting you aren’t helping. They want to feel good about themselves by putting you down. Call them a name in turn: Troll!

2. They go on at length and overstate your grammatical sins. That’s someone who has too much time on their hands. (See #1)

3. They talk about their work and its relative superiority. Some people actually take this tac to ask for business. They want to sell their editing or consulting service and their approach is a frontal assault on why you suck.Don’t encourage bad behavior by rewarding it.

4. They treat finding fault as a moral victory. If they wanted to be helpful, they’d just point out the problem and move on.

5. They’re wrong. An english teacher once tried to convince me that the you effect the affect instead of the other way around. She wasn’t going to be convinced otherwise, either. After all, she was a teacher, not a learner.

6. If this is someone you know, instead if an acquaintance or an anonymous internet troll, have you noticed that person is hypercritical about everything? Consider the source.

7. They quibble over stylistic stuff that could go either way. When I worked at Harlequin, we often got letters from readers applying for jobs. A common tactic was to criticize books for perceived failings in proofing. The approach never worked for two reasons: It was insulting to the staff and the complainer/job applicant was annoyed with all the British spelling in lines that were meant for British markets. (See #5)

8. They tell you publicly what they could have told you privately. Instead of setting out to embarrass you publicly on Facebook, they could have just sent you a kind private message to let you know you screwed up. That tells you where they’re coming from. They’re out to show off how clever they are at your expense. Not a friend.

Writers produce. A lot.

(And yes, I know that’s a sentence fragment. Actually, I’m quite fond of sentence fragments, so there.)

We write so much that, inevitably, problems will emerge.

Typos and missing words and miscellaneous issues will appear. We’re writers, but also human, I’m afraid. Follow anyone around all day with a tape recorder and eventually, they’ll say something dumb. Stuff gets missed and mixed up in speech and in writing. Recently, President Obama got the number of states in the union wrong. Does anybody really believe Obama doesn’t know there are fifty states in the United States?*

Well…some people would believe that. That’s someone else you should ignore.

*There are 50, right? Gee, I hope I got that right! Otherwise, I’ll deserve hot pokers under my eyelids and a solid whipping and I’ll never, ever write anything again and I’ll be ever-so-grateful to the person who saved me from myself and my horrible, horrible mistakes! I’m not worthy! I am worm sweat and trolls are all oh-so-very-smart! How do these demigods bear breathing the same air as the rest of us mere mortals?

Okay. That might have been a bit over-the-top, unreasonable criticism in the form of unnecessary sarcasm.

Filed under: DIY, getting it done, grammar, publishing, Rejection, reviews, Writers, writing tips,

And now for something somewhat different: allthatchazz.com

www.allthatchazz.com

Over a year and a half and 600 plus blog posts, Chazz Writes has been (and will continue to be) free content for writers about the craft and business of writing. Chazz Writes is about grammar, editing, writing advice and the latest self-publishing news. I’ve made a lot of friends and allies and promoted quite a few authors here. It’s a lot of fun. The fun will continue for readers on the companion site. Stop by, subscribe and see what’s cooking.

Someone is already offended because it looks like I’m saying writers aren’t readers. Some people arrive pre-offended, so…can you hear my shrug from there? As a writer, I’m also a power reader: vast library, ten books at a time, two e-readers…the whole smear. But not all readers are writers.  

What will be different? All that Chazz focuses on what readers want: reviews, sneak peeks and more ideas on what to read. On the new site, I write about reading.

Contributors: All That Chazz is open to submissions (just like Chazz Writes). If you’d like to write a guest post about who, what, when, why, where and how you’re reading, please submit your 300-word (max) post and a 25-word bio to me at expartepress@gmail.com.

The Book Review Circle: I haven’t forgotten about Kim Nayyer’s excellent suggestion to establish a book circle. (See the bottom segment for my personal update on what I’ve been doing instead.)

The Review Circle Recap: In the summer, I put out the call for self-published authors who were willing to review a book in exchange for a review of their own book. The reviews, to be published at All that Chazz and promoted on Chazz Writes, can be used by the author and the reviewer for their own blogs and whatever marketing purposes suit them. In the next couple of weeks (as the hither and dither allows) I’ll be contacting all the authors who contacted me to set up the circle.

If you want to participate in the review circle, email me with details of your book, genre and word count at expartepress@gmail.com.

(Don’t wait!)

This looks like a job for me: Wow, have I been busy! My business plan is coming together, though I wish I had a couple of interns and a cappuccino machine to hurry the publishing process along. So much of what I’m working on is new to me (formatting and podcasting, for instance). Some of the learning curve is so steep, I need two Sherpa guides. However, it’s coming together on schedule as long as I continue to try do everything at once. Self-publishing is not, as some claim, the “easy” road to publication. It’s just another path and the terrain is a little different.

I’m enjoying the view from this little goat path. I think I’ll climb higher and see what I can see.

Join me.

Filed under: All That Chazz, book reviews, DIY, e-reader, ebooks, getting it done, publishing, readers, reviews, self-publishing, What about Chazz?, , , , , , , , ,

Bestseller with over 1,000 reviews!
Winner of the North Street Book Prize, Reader's Favorite, the
Literary Titan Award, the Hollywood Book Festival, and the
New York Book Festival.

http://mybook.to/OurZombieHours
A NEW ZOMBIE ANTHOLOGY

Winner of Writer's Digest's 2014 Honorable Mention in Self-published Ebook Awards in Genre

The first 81 lessons to get your Buffy on

More lessons to help you survive Armageddon

"You will laugh your ass off!" ~ Maxwell Cynn, author of Cybergrrl

Available now!

Fast-paced terror, new threats, more twists.

An autistic boy versus our world in free fall

Suspense to melt your face and play with your brain.

Action like a Guy Ritchie film. Funny like Woody Allen when he was funny.

Jesus: Sexier and even more addicted to love.

You can pick this ebook up for free today at this link: http://bit.ly/TheNightMan

Join my inner circle at AllThatChazz.com

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