C h a z z W r i t e s . c o m

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Cool Word of the Day (and the McCain/Palin Conspiracy Theory)

Palillogy

In rhetoric, the repetition of a word or part of a sentence for greater emphasis.

Palin, Sarah

A goofy Alaskan ex-governor who has somehow captured the imagination of a bunch of conservative wackos. Said governor, didn’t just “pal around” with a secessionist. She married one. (Was the wink a sign she was really trying to lose? If you break down the near seizure-like winking, the Morse code spells out “I’m just kiddin’ ya!”)

The McCain/Palin Conspiracy Theory

In the run up to the election, liberal conservative John McCain admitted that he did not know how to use a computer, neither Mac nor PC. The theory is that, after a disastrous eight-year run with Bush, McCain wanted to ensure a change in leadership. Enabling Barack Obama would become the next president of the United States, he chose the supremely unqualified Sarah Palin as his running mate. Given the undignified sacrifices McCain made to ensure the ascension of the Democrats, the vote was way too close (revealing more crazy racists than had been previously suspected.) Sour at the lengths he had to go, McCain has turned into a real Conservative douche again who will say batshit thing he can to get reelected (from eschewing and then hugging George Bush to choosing Sarah Palin, distancing himself from Sarah Palin and embracing her and her hardcore wacko fans again.) His legacy of honor and bipartisanship is in tatters at the sad end of his career. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin still has a shot at running in the next election. She says such crazy shit, sometimes you have to think she’s actually a Democrat in dingbat’s clothing–very very expensive clothing. (That “very very” was a palillogy.)

If true, when will Sarah Palin reveal it was all just the ultimate, most expensive prank ever to mock the democratic process? After the next election so she can make sure Obama gets a second term? She quit the governorship to spout her beliefs from Facebook! I mean, c’mon! WTF?!

Filed under: Cool Word of the Day, Media, Unintentionally hilarious, , ,

Chuck Norris

I grew up watching Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee movies. (All other movies, too since I worked at a video store.)freefromchaos.com myspace graphic comments
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My favorite Chuck Norris movie has to be An Eye for An Eye in which Chuck and Mako beat the crap out of 35 guys who attack them in Mako’s home (with Uzis.) Chuck takes out only 25 (wimp!) and Mako kills the rest. They massacre the bad guys with their bare hands, a throwing knife, lots of kicking and the base of a telephone (which were heavier and more lethal then. Don’t try to knock anybody out with your cell phone these days.)  

At the end of this scene of carnage, the livingroom is littered with bodies. Then Chuck says, “Well, I better get going. Got a dental appointment” or something lame and leaves Mako to deal with the copious corpses. Chuck is a nice guy overall, but not the kind of friend you call on to help you move apparently. San Francisco must have an awesome recycling program.

The funniest Chuck movie has to be The Octagon. Lee Van Cleef shows up here and there, no doubt thinking he had been in better movies. The thing that makes me giggle is that throughout the movie Chuck does a voice over of many of his ninja thoughts as he wanders around. The device is so over-used that I end up filling in the next whispered thought. For instance:

Can I beat him?

Takura, where are you? I sense you are here…

If not for me, Takura would never have met her and she’d still be alive…

I feel guilty…

Did I turn off the stove?

Do I need to buy more eggs?

 

Filed under: movies, Unintentionally hilarious, ,

It’s a Surreal World

Huffington Post headlines:

Brad Pitt Trims His Beard; Megan Fox Gets Tattoo to Honor Mickey Rourke; Robert Pattison: I’ll Probably Die by 30 (he looks very happy in the photo); Marion Cotillard Talks about People Living Inside Her; Pakistanis Arrest American Hunting Bin Laden (our allies. Hm.); Police Office Punches Woman in Jaywalking Incident; Woman Voted for Alvin Green because it sounded like Al Green; GOP Congressman Accuses Himself of Blatant Conflict of Interest; Three-year-old Survives Dad’s Murder Suicide Rampage, Hides Behind Trash Can for 12 Hours After Being Shot; Somali Soccer Fans Executed for Watching World Cup Match; Louisiana Rep Suggests BP CEO Should Commit Suicide; Miley Cyrus: “I’m Not Trying to be Slutty” …

When real headlines are indistinguishable from The Onion, it’s either time to go back to bed or escape into some fiction because the real world is too surreal this morning.

 

BONUS:

In other news, The Gulf of Mexico is a disaster and there are at least a couple actual wars going on somewhere. And remember Katrina? Or Haiti?

I was full of righteous indignation when I started this rant. However, as I look through the real news, I understand why we run to the surreal.

Fiction is my escape hatch. Time to go make some.

Filed under: Media, Unintentionally hilarious, , , ,

Misinterpretations

Writers are misunderstood all the time. Horror authors are often asked, for instance, why they identify with the evil monster. (Nobody asks them if they identify with the hero, for some reason.) misinterpretation is rampant, especially in song lyrics. For a long time, I thought the lyric was “I believe in marigolds!” (not miracles.)

You must see this site about the Top Ten Most Misinterpreted Song Meanings. Great reading! And yes, I believed the Phil Collins myth about In the Air Tonight. Fantastic read!

Filed under: Unintentionally hilarious, web reviews,

The Circle of Crap is Complete

We were waxing nostalgic about how precious and beautiful my baby girl was at less than a year old. I had her in a stroller and was  going through Chapters when a woman ahead of me said brightly, “Ohmygawd! You blinked! You’re real! For a minute there I thought your baby was a doll!”

“Wasn’t that sweet?” I said to my daughter.

“She thought I wasn’t real?” my daughter, who is now 10, said.  “She must have been an idiot.”

Ah, my teachings have percolated through her cortex.

Delicious.

Filed under: Unintentionally hilarious,

This just in: Literary Journal rejects writer AFTER 6 YEARS!

Dude sends “Pretentious Literary Journal” a submission. Six years later he receives their reply. Read and enjoy at Jason Sanford’s blog. Hero of the Afternoon Award to Mr. Sanford for his cutting autopsy of said journal. I only wish he had named names.

*Found through the great Writer Rejected at Literary Rejections on Display.

Filed under: publishing, Rant, Unintentionally hilarious, ,

Unintentionally hilarious is the best hilarious

The real tragedy is that it takes almost as much effort and money to make a bad movie as it does a good one.

Filed under: Unintentionally hilarious, , ,

Bestseller with over 1,000 reviews!
Winner of the North Street Book Prize, Reader's Favorite, the
Literary Titan Award, the Hollywood Book Festival, and the
New York Book Festival.

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An autistic boy versus our world in free fall

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