C h a z z W r i t e s . c o m

Write and publish with love and fury.

I can’t come to the phone right now. I’m dead.

A man speaking on a mobile telephone

A man speaking on a mobile telephone (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Usually I laugh at the weird stuff that pops up in my spam filter. However, this morning I seem to be inundated with crap and the spam filter isn’t catching it for some reason. It’s not that it isn’t easy to spot: Yoda-like syntax and the fourth or fifth word is always twisted around.

But this one annoyed me very much:

“You are an excellent wrietr even if I have thought your writing seems sad sometimes! I am so glad you are honest! The truth will set you free, is true! I love you and I am so blessed to be your Mom!”

Thanks for the shitty surprise reminder, spambot! My mom’s dead. Lung cancer. When I call my dad and he doesn’t answer, the voice mail kicks in. The recorded voice is my mother, saying just two words: my father’s name. After she died (and a long and terrible decline, it was) I wrote some fairly bad and very dark poetry. I mulled mortality’s cruelty and our shared helplessness. I was crying after the funeral when my wife came into my childhood bedroom. I pretended to be asleep on the bed and when she covered me with a blanket, I pretended it was my mom, covering me one last time. Later, I called to hear my mother’s voice again and again and again.

Maybe I should leave a new voice mail message: “I’m sorry I’m not here. I’m elsewhere, or maybe I’m not, but if I could get back to you, I would. If I can’t, know that I tried. I really wish I could talk to you right now. But whatever we talked about, it would all come down to the same thing: I love you.”

PS I reject helplessness to the end. Go here if you reject helplessness, too. And spread the word for Indies Unite for Joshua.

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3 Responses

  1. eden baylee says:

    Thanks for the post, Chazz.
    xox
    eden

  2. Chazz says:

    You’re welcome, Eden. I can’t believe we’re running out of time on this campaign for Joshua. The last four months have gone by so quickly. The perks for donors have been amazing (I took advantage of a couple personally) Your leadership on this charity has been inspiring. You’ve really brought a lot of people together for this family and it’s been a pleasure to help. Max’s video message today on IndieGoGo was heartbreaking. I teared up.

  3. Thanks Chazz. For everything. ❤

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