C h a z z W r i t e s . c o m

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06/15/2010 • 1:03 AM 0

Death to Adverbs

An editor sent me a pdf today so I could check my column for an upcoming mag issue.* I made a small change and then, startled, stared hard at the first paragraph again. Had I really written, “She asked me demandingly, “BLAHBLAHBLAH…”?!

I sent the editor a note that I really needed that to change to “she demanded…” whiningly.

He came back with, “Can you demand a question?” (inquisitively)

I e-mailed back, “Sure. Demanded catches her demeanor but you can demand an answer in the form of a question.” (breezily)

And even if you can’t do that grammatically I don’t care. I trust my ear over grammatic semantics and there’s a time to use an adverb like “demandingly.” That time is never or two weeks after the sun explodes. (he said defiantly)

Not sure. I’ll go look it up. (assiduously)

BONUS:

Folks in the magazine business always call it “the book” not the “issue.” I always suspiciously thought that betrayed insecurity on their part.

Filed under: grammar, writing tips, adverbs, death to adverbs, writing rules, writing tips

06/11/2010 • 1:09 AM 0

Writing Advice for Anti-authoritarians

Recently I read a YA novel that omitted all quotation marks. It didn’t hurt a bit because it was so well done. It may have even sped up the read. It’s the sort of thing some grammarians hate. I say tough cookies to some grammarians.

When the rules of proper usage get in the way

between your story and your reader

–and sometimes they will–

dump ’em.

Elmore Leonard says so, too, so it’s not just lil ol’ me. Pedants will say, “Know the rules before you fracture them.” Fine. Then crack ’em open and don’t be so goddamn apologetic about it.

Ooh, and about exclamation points: one in 100,000 words is quite enough, thanks according to Mr. Leonard. (My journalistic mentor referred to the exclamation point in colourful terms. “They’re called dogs’ pricks,” he said.)

Brevity is good, too. It gives you more room for story and story is what your readers sign up for when they open a book.

Filed under: grammar, writing tips, brevity, grammar, writing tips

06/11/2010 • 1:00 AM 0

After All

Stephen King has this little tic that pops up in both his speech and his writing. I’m reading the third in the Dexter series and noticed it there as well. If you have a sentence with the words “after all” in it, you can take that out.

You don’t need it after all.

Filed under: writing tips, writing tips

06/10/2010 • 12:29 PM 1

Three tips about writing characters.

1. Don’t let all your characters sound the same. If two characters are indistinguishable, they may as well be one character.

2. Don’t let one character bang the same note all the time. Characters that have the same range as a triangle in a brass band soon get tiresome, and worse, unbelievable. You aren’t betraying the character’s traits if they are angry yet occasionally sombre. Even wackos in the psych ward take a nap from time to time. Your characters need to act like people, not cartoons.

3. And please, don’t let smart people do dumb things to make a plot work. When you find yourself doing that, you need to step back and think about the plot problem so you can write around it convincingly.

BONUS:

A conclusion is where somebody got tired of thinking.

Filed under: writing tips, character development, writing tips

05/22/2010 • 11:55 PM 0

Writing Critique Groups

I picked up some great advice from the Writing Excuses podcast (find the podcast feeds on their website.) If you are in a writing group and someone is giving you feedback:

1. It’s your job to not leap to defend your work. Listen and use their reaction or don’t, but keep your mouth shut.

2. If someone critiques your writing, they aren’t attacking you personally.

3. If they do attack you personally, you then have the pleasure of ignoring them. Forever.

4. If someone is successful in making you feel bad about your work, go to Amazon and find a so-called “great work of literature” you admire, even cherish. Then go to the comments section and read the critiques from the people who hated, hated, hated it. This is art. This is subjective. There is no work with universal appeal.

The Writing Excuses authors broadcast weekly. Listen for real gems on the techniques, frustrations and challenges of writing fiction. It’s fifteen minutes long, and despite their tagline, they’re pretty smart.

Filed under: writing tips, critique groups, writing tips

05/22/2010 • 12:16 AM 0

You’re not a failed writer. Unless you quit.

The whole writing thing isn’t working out. You’re still sending out those sad ass queries, closing in on 100 now, and it’s just. Not. Working.

You could quit. Or you could write for the pure enjoyment of it without even thinking about publication. Crazy but there are lots of artistic precedents. For instance, I paint. I never expect to sell one (though, come to think of it, I just did, so the payoff was doubly sweet because I never expected that. Now I don’t expect to sell another.) If it isn’t at all fun, then yes, you should quit writing, anyway. If it’s no fun for you, it’s going to be torture for the reader.

If you aren’t having fun, you could read the post on writer’s block below and laugh. Or if, after you digest the lessons, you find yourself out on a ledge and the people look like ants, and the pavement beckons, well…free will, I say.

Or you could figure out what you need to do to change things up.

You could join a writers’ group or take a course–anything where they show you where you need to punch up your query. If you aren’t even getting nibbles for partials after 75 queries, it’s you. (Click here for the business site. I do vet manuscripts, you know.)

I’m not saying you need a self-publishing company yet. Maybe you need a website or just a printer. What you really need is a plan. There are a lot of books to help you with that. Many successful authors have been rejected more than 100 times (and that’s a symptom right there not to wait to be discovered, not to put all your testicles in one basket, and not to wait for annointment by people who sign bestselling authors, but apparently only accidentally.)

Author, cartoonist and my personal savior Scott Adams has observed that a really brilliant idea is, in its beginning stages where you’re looking for outside approval and funding, really hard to recognize as a brilliant idea. In fact, really brilliant ideas are indistinguishable from incredibly stupid ideas at first.

Man on the moon? Impossible.

Splitting atoms? Forget it.

Another vampire book? That’s so over.

A book about a boy wizard? Yawn.

Dean Koontz is still writing? Okay, that one is a recognizably bad idea, but you get my drift.

Now go out there and be the little engine that could! Okay, Sparky?

Go MAKE IT HAPPEN.

You’re a winning writer!

Filed under: publishing, rules of writing, Writers, writing rules, writing tips

05/19/2010 • 11:28 PM 0

Writerly is Out

If I write something beautiful, fine. However, if it sounds like I’m reaching and trying too hard to be writerly, it’s out.

That’s how I resolved the conflicting advice dilemma which gave me such an ache in the ass in a recent post. See? Aching ass. That’s some beautiful goddamn writing right there and I didn’t have to reach far to scratch that–uh–literary itch.