C h a z z W r i t e s . c o m

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06/15/2010 • 1:03 AM 0

Death to Adverbs

An editor sent me a pdf today so I could check my column for an upcoming mag issue.* I made a small change and then, startled, stared hard at the first paragraph again. Had I really written, “She asked me demandingly, “BLAHBLAHBLAH…”?!

I sent the editor a note that I really needed that to change to “she demanded…” whiningly.

He came back with, “Can you demand a question?” (inquisitively)

I e-mailed back, “Sure. Demanded catches her demeanor but you can demand an answer in the form of a question.” (breezily)

And even if you can’t do that grammatically I don’t care. I trust my ear over grammatic semantics and there’s a time to use an adverb like “demandingly.” That time is never or two weeks after the sun explodes. (he said defiantly)

Not sure. I’ll go look it up. (assiduously)

BONUS:

Folks in the magazine business always call it “the book” not the “issue.” I always suspiciously thought that betrayed insecurity on their part.

Filed under: grammar, writing tips, adverbs, death to adverbs, writing rules, writing tips

05/22/2010 • 12:16 AM 0

You’re not a failed writer. Unless you quit.

The whole writing thing isn’t working out. You’re still sending out those sad ass queries, closing in on 100 now, and it’s just. Not. Working.

You could quit. Or you could write for the pure enjoyment of it without even thinking about publication. Crazy but there are lots of artistic precedents. For instance, I paint. I never expect to sell one (though, come to think of it, I just did, so the payoff was doubly sweet because I never expected that. Now I don’t expect to sell another.) If it isn’t at all fun, then yes, you should quit writing, anyway. If it’s no fun for you, it’s going to be torture for the reader.

If you aren’t having fun, you could read the post on writer’s block below and laugh. Or if, after you digest the lessons, you find yourself out on a ledge and the people look like ants, and the pavement beckons, well…free will, I say.

Or you could figure out what you need to do to change things up.

You could join a writers’ group or take a course–anything where they show you where you need to punch up your query. If you aren’t even getting nibbles for partials after 75 queries, it’s you. (Click here for the business site. I do vet manuscripts, you know.)

I’m not saying you need a self-publishing company yet. Maybe you need a website or just a printer. What you really need is a plan. There are a lot of books to help you with that. Many successful authors have been rejected more than 100 times (and that’s a symptom right there not to wait to be discovered, not to put all your testicles in one basket, and not to wait for annointment by people who sign bestselling authors, but apparently only accidentally.)

Author, cartoonist and my personal savior Scott Adams has observed that a really brilliant idea is, in its beginning stages where you’re looking for outside approval and funding, really hard to recognize as a brilliant idea. In fact, really brilliant ideas are indistinguishable from incredibly stupid ideas at first.

Man on the moon? Impossible.

Splitting atoms? Forget it.

Another vampire book? That’s so over.

A book about a boy wizard? Yawn.

Dean Koontz is still writing? Okay, that one is a recognizably bad idea, but you get my drift.

Now go out there and be the little engine that could! Okay, Sparky?

Go MAKE IT HAPPEN.

You’re a winning writer!

Filed under: publishing, rules of writing, Writers, writing rules, writing tips

05/19/2010 • 11:28 PM 0

Writerly is Out

If I write something beautiful, fine. However, if it sounds like I’m reaching and trying too hard to be writerly, it’s out.

That’s how I resolved the conflicting advice dilemma which gave me such an ache in the ass in a recent post. See? Aching ass. That’s some beautiful goddamn writing right there and I didn’t have to reach far to scratch that–uh–literary itch.

Filed under: rules of writing, writing rules, writing tips

05/14/2010 • 1:28 PM 0

Writing Tips

You’re a writer? You want tips? Here’s a whole whack at Writer’s Digest.
Enjoy.

Filed under: rules of writing, Writers, writing rules, writing tips

05/11/2010 • 2:09 PM 0

I’m Telling (about bad writing advice)

“Write what you know” they say, which cuts out a lot of imaginative work. Dragons, unicorns and the heady world of quantitative surveying go down the toilet if you follow that bad writing advice. Instead, write what you care about. If you care about the subject, you’ll learn the details of the English saddle, vasectomies or animal husbandry.

“Show, don’t tell,” they say. Solid idea in general, but not always true.

Example:

“That was a hard time for Toby”

This is the opening sentence to a chapter. It’s telling, not showing. Sometimes you do that, despite the common wisdom that’s taken to the nth degree until the storytelling sounds unnatural. Your construction shouldn’t sound unnatural or it stops readers thinking about the story.

The above bit of telling is from Margaret Atwood’s The Year of the Flood. I recommend it. It’s part of a trilogy so, as long as Atwood and I stay healthy, I have number three to look forward to.

(Book 1 was Oryx and Crake.)

Filed under: rules of writing, writing rules

05/09/2010 • 4:43 PM 0

Rules are Rules

Rules of writing change, get bent or are broken. It’s not all bad. Language is a fluid medium. For instance, read some Young Adult books and you’ll find some authors who beat the old copy editor to death and made the new one accept dialogue without quotation marks. Things change. We can’t (and I don’t want to) freeze the language in amber.

One writing guru told his disciples: NEVER WRITE IN THE SECOND PERSON.

“Rules are rules!” he said. “Second person doesn’t work!”

Except when it does. Write in the second person if you want. Here’s the rule you should pay attention to:

If it plays it plays. Break rules if it works.

And to the guru: What?! You never read Bright Lights, Big City?!*

Bonehead.

*You’ll notice I broke a rule of punctuation there, but it conveys so it works. Your grammar and punctuation does not necessarily have to be as your eighth grade teacher prescribed. What it has to be is consistent so the reader receives the communication.