C h a z z W r i t e s . c o m

See all my books at AllThatChazz.com.

07/23/2012 • 1:53 PM 47

The Six Words or Less Contest that could get your name in a thriller

UPDATE: And now it’s time to vote for

the wittiest and pithiest entries in the

The Six Words or Less Contest

Choose your favorite from the comment thread below and e-mail your first choice to expartepress AT gmail DOT com.

Voting closes August 10. Three winners will be chosen.

The grand prize winner will get in my next thriller, Higher Than Jesus. (Details below.)

Click to get Bigger Than Jesus here

I’m holding a contest that could get your name in my new thriller.

The follow-up to my crime novel, Bigger Than Jesus is called Higher Than Jesus and it’s coming this fall. 

Here’s the challenge: My hit man passes a homeless person in the street and gives him some money. The homeless person wears a black hoodie. I want something catchy and memorable on that hoodie. I thought about making an inside joke and making it a Self-help for Stoners emblem (my first book). I considered using a meme that’s already out there but kind of hipster, like the inside joke from Portal: There is no cake.

But no, I’m calling on the readership! What’s the short, punchy, pithy, memorable phrase that should adorn that black hoodie on the homeless guy on a cold winter’s night in Chicago? It could be funny. It could be pointed and political. Let’s hear it!

Leave your suggestion in the comment thread.

What do you get for your contribution?

(Yes, there is metaphorical cake!)

The winner gets lots of that cake!

“You will laugh your ass off! The skill of a journalist with the flair of a stand up comedian.” ~ Author Maxwell Cyn

A. I can name a character after you in Higher Than Jesus. (No guarantees whether the character will be good or bad, alive or dead. It’s crime fiction. I don’t have many characters who are good or get to live.)

B. When I get the print edition, I’ll send you a free autographed copy wherever you are in the world.

C. I’ll gift you a copy of the kindle ebook as soon as it’s available.

D. On my podcast, I’ll mention the top three entries and the grand prize winner will be exalted. Your name and  your six words or less will be talked about in glowing terms.

E. BONUS: For the overall winner with the best six words or less, I’ll promote your book, business, favorite charity, website, podcast, pet’s name, shout out or whatever on my podcast (as long as the thing you want to promote isn’t some psycho white supremacist thing. Sounds good, yes?)

Please leave your suggestions in comments. On August 1, I’ll ask for a vote for the top three, so somebody’s getting bragging rights no matter what. Let’s have some fun with this. (I have to reserve the right to not use the top phrase in case there’s a legal or editorial reason not to use it, but the grand prize winner still gets the sweet cake of A, B and C. The decision of the judge — that’s me — is final since it’s my name on the book. No purchase necessary, void where prohibited and all that crap. I can’t think of any other rules we need, but I’ll make them up if necessary. Hopefully that won’t be necessary.)

With the details out of the way, have at it! This will be fun. Submit as much as you’d like.

Check out all the books by Robert Chazz Chute here.

Impress us with freshness and originality.

Make us laugh.

Make us think.

Just, please, do it in no more than six words. Thanks!

~Robert Chazz Chute is the author of Self-help for Stoners, Bigger Than Jesus, The Dangerous Kind & Other Stories, and Sex, Death & Mind Control (for fun and profit). Learn more at the author site or see the fun Amazon bio here.

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07/22/2012 • 9:12 PM 2

UBC #24: This is not another blog about the Aurora shooting

This is a blog about responsible media policy.

I’ve read some bizarre ideas floating around since a crazy person shot and killed people at a midnight première of the new Batman movie. A lot of people are asking if the Batman film is to blame. (It was the première. The guy hadn’t even seen the movie, so it couldn’t have been as important to him as some may imagine.) Yes, the shooter called himself The Joker, but what was probably more important to him was that he hurt and kill as many people as possible. He found a place where the most people would gather in a confined space so he could attack more effectively.

We’ve seen this before. The attack in Aurora happened just twelve miles from Columbine. Despite that experience, the media is jumping to the same mistakes. We were told the Columbine shooters were inspired by The Matrix. That was later proved false. Heavy metal has also been blamed, but for every expert who claims there’s a connection between violence in media and violence in real life, there are a bunch more psychologists who will tell you violence in media, video games and porn actually decrease violence.

Worse, many of those complaining of the connection aren’t experts at all. Instead, they are people playing a political game in the media for their own ends and axe-grinding. For intense, with the so-called cannibal attack of several weeks ago, some in law enforcement announced that a new drug was to blame: bath salts. The media dutifully reported the new danger threatening us all: Bath salt druggies turn into zombies. That guy was crazy, no doubt, but he wasn’t on bath salts. Worse still, there was no way for anyone to say what he was on. They made the announcement immediately, but the actually drug test would take much longer. (Eventually, only marijuana was found in the attacker’s system.) There were no bath salts and those who said it was bath salts couldn’t have known what it was. That was just somebody ginning up a story for their own ends. The decriers fade away after they’re disproved, but the media will listen to them again next time with equal credulity. Meanwhile, lots of people still think it was bath salts that turned a mentally disturbed person into a homeless zombie who ate another homeless man’s face. Media: Wise up. You’re being used. Or are you doing the using for ratings?

As for the eager censors, ready to make a connection between entertainment and the actions of the lowest common mental denominator, I’m reminded of Mark Twain’s quip. He said that a censor is a person who would prohibit us all from eating steak because a baby would choke on it. There are arguments to be made about keeping guns out of the hands of disturbed people and helping to identify the signs of crazy. As time progresses, we’ll have the gun control debate again, probably with no change.

The only thing I see that could be acted upon immediately is this: Media. Stop naming the shooter. He wanted attention and there may be another disturbed person thinking of copycat actions. Focus more on the victims and the heroes of this tragedy. Those are the names and actions I want to know. I don’t need to know more about this particular insane and violent perpetrator. Journalists, in general, have refrained from reporting suicides for decades to decrease celebrating suicidal people. Please exercise some restraint, take responsibility, and downplay the identity of the shooter. I’m not worried at all about fictional violence that happens in books and on film. I write crime fiction, the operative word being: Fiction. When it shows up on the news in a celebratory frenzy, it might be a trigger that reporters help to pull.

 

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07/22/2012 • 9:34 AM 0

Paperback Formatting Guidelines for Self Publishers

See on Scoop.it – Writing and reading fiction

Karen Baney gives great guidelines for formatting your paperback. Learn at the link. ~ Chazz

See on www.karenbaney.com

Filed under: publishing

07/20/2012 • 1:11 PM 1

Penguin’s New Business Model: Exploiting Writers

See on Scoop.it – Writing and reading fiction

The performance of Author Solutions is so poor that the press release announcing the purchase by Penguin can’t even tout their own customers’ success, and instead lists self-publishing stars such as “Lisa Genova, John Locke, Darcie Chan, Amanda…

 

David Gaughran suggests we spread the word about his objections to Penguin’s takeover of Author Solutions. After you read his article, you’ll want to do just that. Learn at the link. ~ Chazz

See on indiereader.com

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07/19/2012 • 5:34 AM 12

UBC #23: Loves & hates & the Fab Blog Award

Future Pull awarded me a Fabulous Blog Award. Cool! Thanks so much! Part of the deal is I thank the blogger who gave me the award. (Ding! Done!) Then I  a. name five fabulous moments; b. name five things I love; c. name five things I hate; d. pass the award on to five other deserving bloggers.

Fab moments. The first three, you’d expect:

Click it to get it.

Click for Self-help for Stoners.

1. Marrying She Who Must Be Obeyed AKA The High Queen.

2. The birth of The Princess.

3. The birth of the Prince.

4. Healing a woman confined to a wheelchair for 12 years. She’s still walking, driving, travelling and living independently.

5. Meeting director Kevin Smith and giving him an autographed copy of my first book, Self-help for Stoners.

Loves in no particular order:

1. Celebrating with chocolate croissants when I finished my first crime thriller, Bigger Than Jesus. It was an orgy.

2. A good book  and me by the fireplace during a snowstorm.

3. Hot, sweet coffee.

4. My Mac.

5. See 1, 2 and 3 of Fab Moments above.

Click to get Bigger Than Jesus here

Hates:

1. Power-mad twits.

2. Hateful twits.

3. Bigoted twits.

4. Right-wing radio (That’s pretty much 1, 2, 3.)

5. I guess it really all comes down to twits.

Bloggers (tough one):

1. Writing is Hard Work  Helped me in my struggles with Scrivener.

2. Let’s Get Digital  David keeps me informed on the latest in digital publishing. Smart fellow.

3. Eden Baylee’s Blog She’s an erotic writer who writes erotica (and that was a really fun author interview).

4. Matthew Iden He’s been especially helpful on keeping me current on the new Kobo platform.

5. FUONLYKNEW Cool reviews. (Love the animated graphic on her blog, too.)

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07/18/2012 • 9:13 PM 1

50 Things I Learned At Thrillerfest 2012

See on Scoop.it – Writing and reading fiction

I am just back from an amazing Thrillerfest, the annual convention of the International Thriller Writers in New York.

 

I’d love to go to Thrillerfest someday. In the meantime, here’s Joanna Penn’s 50 points. Learn at the link. ~ Chazz

See on www.thecreativepenn.com

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07/18/2012 • 8:19 AM 1

The Jedi mind trick for entrepreneurs & other high wire acts

FYI: TODAY IS THE LAST FREE DAY FOR 

Click here to get this fun book of suspense FREE until tonight at midnight.
Small-town terrors and psychological mayhem in Poeticule Bay, Maine.

THE DANGEROUS KIND & OTHER STORIES

IF YOU HAVEN’T GRABBED IT YET, PLEASE DO SO AND IF YOU LOVE IT, PLEASE REVIEW IT. THANKS!

And now the mind trick that could change your life, if the force is with you:

A buddy of mine runs a business. He found his employees weren’t getting invoices done at the end of the day. Memos down and promises up weren’t working. To solve the problem, he went around to the employees one-by-one in the last half hour of each day and asked for them to put the paperwork on his desk before they left. No, they shouldn’t have needed babysitting. Yes, they should have understood that getting the invoices recorded daily is fuel for the engine of business. However, it was necessary so he made them aware he was watching. It worked.

Accountability works. Measurement works.

Now how can we who are solo entrepreneurs and artists use that management strategy?

We have to manage ourselves. What to do?

No one is checking on me so when I want to get something done, I don’t use a to-do list I’m going to ignore and/or fail. I use my imagination. Want to lose weight, complete a project or be a better person? Imagine a film crew is following you around and catching every move. Maybe it’s an inspiring documentary or maybe you’re the hero of your own action thriller. What do heroes and heroines do?  Do that. The camera’s eye might make you cook with a little more flair and crack eggs one-handed.  Maybe it sounds stupid, but this Jedi mind trick made me a better tennis player.

The key is decide who you want to be. Now be that.

Embrace the role. Method act. Fake it till you make it.

Pretend! Play!

And kill anyone who stands in your way.

(Depending on what type of movie you’re making.)

Don’t have a Kindle? You don’t need one. Download a free Kindle reading app for any device here so you can read The Dangerous Kind & Other Stories here free. Today is this book’s last free day ever.)

UPDATE: Hear the audio of

Love & Nookie, Chapter 3 of Bigger Than Jesus

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07/17/2012 • 9:51 PM 2

NSFW: Make stuff

As you regular readers know, I love Kevin Smith. Here’s another reason.

(And yes, this applies to books, too.)

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07/17/2012 • 2:42 PM 0

Bad Reviews Suck…and Why I Don’t Care | San Francisco Book Review

See on Scoop.it – Writing and reading fiction

I will act mature, I will act mature, I will act mature.

 

It’s just an act, but my silence will be my only answer. This I pledge to Thor.

 

Fellow authors, learn from Rachel the Bad Redhead at the link!

See on sanfranciscobookreview.com

Filed under: publishing

07/17/2012 • 7:13 AM 5

UBC TOP TEN: Everything we know is wrong. Stop That!

July 16, 17, 18

The Dangerous Kind & Other Stories is FREE 

My son asked me if someone was as smart as they think they are. “No one is as smart as they think they are. A

Click here to get this fun book of suspense FREE until tomorrow at midnight.
Small-town terrors and psychological mayhem in Maine.

guy can be an idiot, but if you agree with him, you think he’s a genius.” It got me thinking what else we often get wrong.

1. Two heads aren’t better than one if the dumb, loud guy does all the talking.

2. Instead of instantly deferring to somebody who says, “Listen to me because I’ve done X for twenty years,” wonder this: Have they been doing it wrong for twenty years?

3. When you correct someone, are you out to help them or to feel superior? If it’s the first, thanks. If it’s the second, shut up. (And no one likes you.)

4. Are you reacting out of fear? Are you worried about terrorists when you’re far more likely to die from heart attack, cancer or a slippery bathtub? (Yes, you’re more likely to die from a slippery bathtub.)

5. Do you feel compassion for others or have you given up already because it’s all just too much and what can one person do? One person can make a big difference with one person. Start small. If you can’t handle actual  human interactions and social contact, start with that lovely person in the mirror.

6. Are you paralyzed by analysis or waiting for permission? Don’t wait until conditions are perfect to change your life. Perfect never comes but the Good Enough Train is always on time. If you’re waiting for permission, chances are excellent you have lots of people in your life waiting for you to ask so they can refuse. (Choose allies carefully. Dump enemies in the river.)

7. Are you certain about something? Beware! Certainty is the cardinal sign that you aren’t as smart as you would like to think. Serial killers are very confident and have high self-esteem. Scientifically, the less informed we are about a subject, the more certain we are in our opinions. (Though I’m not sure about this. Don’t be too sure. Intelligent people are about nuance, which is why they often lose elections.)

8. Are you mad at someone? They know, but are you sure they understand why? They might change their behaviour if they knew. (Yes, I’m saying don’t be so passive aggressive and spineless and state your needs. And, for God’s sake, if they have spine enough to look at you perplexed and apologize, take the apology and move on. Don’t hold on to your resentments. If they don’t apologize, dump him, girl, because if you don’t stop him now, you will be picking up after him forever.)

9. Some people are very negative, hurtful even, and add, “I’m just being honest.” Really? Or are they congratulating themselves for being nasty? You already know the answer to that question if you have one of these miseries in your life. If you are one of these miseries, stop. If you’re putting up with one of these miseries, go back to #8.

10. People put too much faith in top ten lists, don’t you think? They sure sound authoritative. But I’m just another nit on the interwebs, pontificating. You shouldn’t listen to me. (Or am I using mind fu in a cheap ploy to ingratiate?) Make up your own mind about stuff. You can do that as long as you distrust your brain. It’s not just that people lie. It’s that your brain lies to you all the time, mostly to distract you from the existential horror of the abyss. and to protect us froth knowledge that, yes, we really do look that fat in these jeans. In fact, we’re fat all the time. Hm. Maybe a few lies aren’t so bad. Keeps us off the ledge.

Ancient people thought they knew everything there was to know about the nature of the universe. 

Every age is the most modern age and the best minds from each age now sound stupid on lots of subjects.

The chances we now know what we’re doing is, statistically speaking, lousy.

~ Robert Chazz Chute is the author of Self-help for Stoners, The Dangerous Kind & Other Stories, Bigger Than Jesus, and Sex, Death & Mind Control (for fun and profit). The Dangerous Kind & Other Stories is the foundation of the Poeticule Bay suspense novels that are now in the works. This novella and short story bundle is free on Amazon until Wednesday night. Please go grab it and, if you love it, please review it. Thanks!

(To see all of Chazz’s books, click here.)

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Bestseller with over 1,000 reviews!
Winner of the North Street Book Prize, Reader's Favorite, the
Literary Titan Award, the Hollywood Book Festival, and the
New York Book Festival.

http://mybook.to/OurZombieHours
A NEW ZOMBIE ANTHOLOGY

Winner of Writer's Digest's 2014 Honorable Mention in Self-published Ebook Awards in Genre

The first 81 lessons to get your Buffy on

More lessons to help you survive Armageddon

"You will laugh your ass off!" ~ Maxwell Cynn, author of Cybergrrl

Available now!

Fast-paced terror, new threats, more twists.

An autistic boy versus our world in free fall

Suspense to melt your face and play with your brain.

Action like a Guy Ritchie film. Funny like Woody Allen when he was funny.

Jesus: Sexier and even more addicted to love.

You can pick this ebook up for free today at this link: http://bit.ly/TheNightMan

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