C h a z z W r i t e s . c o m

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06/17/2010 • 11:01 PM 0

Eyesaint:

One who is very pleasing to the eyes.

Filed under: Cool Word of the Day

06/17/2010 • 10:54 PM 0

The Existential Horrorist

Two movie moments hurt me in deep dark places:

In Run, Fatboy, Run Simon Pegg’s character tells his young son that you can’t run away from problems and must push through. The little boy looks up at him and says, “Is that what you do, Dad?” The look on Simon’s face is the same you make when you’re slapped across the face with a stop sign.

Then in Night at the Museum, Ben Stiller’s character tells his son that something good will soon happen with his career. His big moment is coming. He can just feel it. His boy gives him a worried look and says, “But what if you’re wrong? What is you’re an ordinary guy who just needs to get a job?”

Shit. Back to the keyboard! Back! BACK!

Filed under: movies, movies, Night at the Mueum, Run Fatboy Run, writers

06/17/2010 • 10:08 PM 0

Dr. Phil Mistreats Wannabe Writer, Then Bathes in Cash & Cackles

Dr. Phil counselled some poor slob and his desperate wife since said slob was writing a book and refused to get a job and support the family. Of course Philacious told him to get off his duff and get a job. I was supposed to feel sorry for the wife and the family. Instead I thought “Wow. Way to stand up for the brand, Dr. Dreamkiller.” He’ll trudge back to work and maybe the book will die and maybe it won’t, but despite the doc’s assurances, the dude’s chances of publication just went down. You could see it in his eyes. The wannabe (as best-selling Phil so graciously labelled him) just didn’t have a lot more energy to spare. Your other job can feed your passion or suck the creative life out of you. Be careful what you choose.*

BONUS:

Phil made some fallacious comparison of fiction to non-fiction. He told the guy he needed to submit a proposal rather than a full manuscript. Not in fiction you ain’t! When submitting fiction, you must have the full manuscript polished and prepared. Proposals are for non-fiction only, no exceptions.

DOUBLE BONUS:

Dean Koontz’s wife went to work and gave him five years to make write. If he didn’t make it in five years, she reasoned, he wasn’t going to make it. He did make it, of course, and his books are a testimony not so much to his hacking talent as his persistence. If you have enough time and persistence, talent counts less than we’d like to think. Make the time to write.

*Yes, I’m saying, if necessary, divorce your wife, leave the kids in a ditch and run away. They’ll understand eventually that you did it for Art. Yeah. That’ll go over well.

Filed under: Writers, writing tips, Dr. Phil. time to write, writers

06/17/2010 • 2:29 PM 0

Premises, Promises and the Payoff

When someone says, “I have a good idea for a story,” they better not just stop at one. It’s not enough for a novel to have a good premise. More good ideas must follow the first. A good book is not just one good idea, but many, strung together in a way that builds and builds to keep the reader reading.

I’ve been trying to enjoy Three Bags Full, a detective story where the detectives are sheep and the victim is their shepherd, who died with a spade through his guts. Ooh, a spade through the guts! Delicious! I must read more, I thought. I wanted to like the book, but it didn’t work out that way.

The comer on the cover was that it’s like Agatha Christie wrote a Wind in the Willows murder mystery. I loved Wind in the Willows and I’ve read some Christie 20 years ago so hey, a match made in heaven. Not baaaaaa-ad! (Get it? Sheep? Not baaaaa-ad? Never mind.)

Alas, experimental fiction can be trying when it belabors the conceit. It’s a good idea that could work well in a short story, but at novel length I’m fading fast…and I’m getting it the easy way on MP3! Save the change. Three bags Full is a good idea…but just one. Halfway through I’m thinking, “Isn’t it time for the little Irish village to have a big Greek feast with lots of lamb chops with mint jelly?”

Good books, like The Wind in the Willows, for instance, have good ideas at every turn and keep you turning those pages. What happens next? And then what? Keep that narrative train moving moving moving. Will Mole and Rat finally run over Mr. Toad with his own car? They never did…which I guess I’m glad of. I remember reading Wind in the Willows late into the night and my mom finally coming in to tell me to go to sleep. “Just five more minutes Mom! I want to find out what happens to Mr. Toad!”

BONUS:

Keep the good ideas coming. There should be tension on every page, or a very good reaason why there’s not.